Survivors
by ijustkeepswimming
Summary: Charlie is stunned to run into Joey again while she attempts to help Bianca through her ordeal...
1. Chapter 1

_This new fic is based on the current storyline of Bianca being attacked at the B&S ball. With an obvious emotional attachment to the situation, Charlie takes it on board to help her. And this inevitably leads to a reunion with her long lost love. And just as an aside, Home and Away is on a break here in the UK so I've not seen very much of the storyline at all. It's based on the idea but I haven't seen far enough to be guided by it. Anyway, I hope you like it. Feedback is always appreciated! Love, IJKS_

**Survivors**

**Chapter One**

"Charlie, I really don't think this is a good idea," Bianca Scott said anxiously.

She glanced unhappily at her friend, sitting in the driver's seat of her little, blue car. Shifting a little, her heart beat too loudly. It felt like it was thundering in her ears. Anxiously, she ran her hands through her blonde hair, feeling decidedly uncomfortable.

"We can go back if you want," Sergeant Charlie Buckton said evenly. "But I really think this will be good for you."

She turned and smiled encouragement at the pretty blonde in the seat beside her.

"Did you do something like this after...?" Bianca wondered.

Charlie sighed. Settled in their parking space outside a small community centre several miles out of town, she killed the engine and looked Bianca directly in the eye.

"No," she said. "And I wish I had because who knows how much quicker I might have recovered from what happened to me? My parents were amazing at the time but they weren't big on talking. The first time we really discussed what happened was when the truth about Ruby came out a couple of years ago. I think I would have benefitted from having somewhere to turn."

Bianca continued to look unhappy and uncertain.

"I just don't know if I can talk about it," she admitted.

Charlie reached into her bag on the backseat, for the small flyer she had picked up at work. Liam had then presented her with the same flyer, with both of them having the same idea about helping Bianca process her attack.

"It says you don't have to share anything you don't want to," she said, pointing at a line of text that said just that. "But it might help to at least be around people who've been through the same thing."

Bianca smiled.

"That's why I have you!" she said.

Charlie chuckled.

"I'm happy to support you every step of the way, Bianca," she promised. "And part of that is encouraging you to get any help you can. Let's just give this a go once and then if you hate it, you don't have to come again."

Bianca chewed her lip reluctantly.

"Okay, deal," she agreed.

"Good answer," Charlie said.

Taking a deep breath, both women climbed out of the car.

* * *

><p>Entering the building, Charlie located a sign that read 'Survivors' with an arrow. It was hand written and not very professional but at least it gave them a direction. She led the way down the narrow corridor until she located the right room. Outside, she turned to Bianca.<p>

"You ready?" she asked.

"As I'll ever be."

Nodding, Charlie pushed the door open. There were six people milling around the room – five women and one man, some sitting down and some making tea and coffee. One had her back to the group, organising some papers on a small table. Charlie narrowed her eyes. There was something familiar about her but it was a familiarity that she couldn't place. She had dark hair to her shoulders and a slim physique beneath black jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Bianca kept close to Charlie's side as they ventured further into the room. One woman turned around from where she had been making a cup of tea and smiled.

"Are you new?" she asked.

Bianca didn't speak. Charlie spoke up for her instead.

"Yes," she said. "This is Bianca. My name's Charlie."

Suddenly, the woman with her back to the group turned around, looking somewhat alarmed. She met Charlie's gaze immediately. It was Joey Collins.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey is stunned to hear some of Charlie's story as she and Bianca meet the rest of the group...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed the beginning of this story. It's scary putting new work up! But I really appreciate everyone who has taken to it so far. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Two**

Joey stared at Charlie for a few moments before she collected her mind together and gestured for everyone to sit down. Charlie and Bianca found a couple of chairs together in the small circle.

"What's going on?" Bianca whispered, noting the obvious tension between Charlie and the leader of the support group.

Charlie shook her head but didn't look away from Joey.

"Okay, we have two new people here today," Joey said, nodding towards Bianca and Charlie, without meeting her ex girlfriend's gaze.

"Would you feel okay to introduce yourselves?"

She smiled kindly at the blonde, still not able to deal with Charlie's presence.

"Um..." Bianca struggled.

She glanced anxiously at Charlie who tried to convey silent encouragement.

"My name... my name's Bianca," the school teacher managed. "And this is my friend, Charlie."

Joey finally looked at Charlie, studying her as if she was trying to work her out without making direct eye contact.

"Well, welcome to the group, both of you," she said politely. "Shall we go round and introduce ourselves?"

The others nodded.

"I'm Nikki," a tall, dark haired woman said. "I've been coming to group for six months after I was attacked."

She swallowed anxiously and glanced at Joey for reassurance. Joey smiled gently at her.

"I was at a party and a guy spiked me drink and..."

She trailed off. Bianca closed her eyes at the thought of how similar their stories seemed to be. Charlie touched her hand gently, willing her to stay and not run off.

"My name's Tash," a pretty blonde girl that looked about sixteen said. "I come here because Social Services said I had to. I was attacked by my step-father."

She looked down anxiously, clasping her hands together in her lap. She was relatively new and found every session difficult, even though she admired Joey for how she ran the group.

"I'm Jaq," the oldest woman in the group said. "I was attacked by my partner and now I lived in sheltered accommodation. They recommended this group and I've been coming here for a month."

Everyone turned to look at the only male member of the circle. He shifted a little, having never been comfortable with sharing all that much.

"My name's Mike," he said. "I was assaulted by a guy on a rival football team."

He glanced at Joey to check that he had said enough.

"Well done," she said to the group. "I know it isn't always easy to speak up."

She looked at Bianca and Charlie.

"And just to introduce myself, I'm Joey," she said to them. "I've been training as a counsellor and I've nearly got all my qualifications but this group is part of my degree. I was raped by a colleague just over two years ago, which is what led me to run a group on this specific topic."

Charlie couldn't help but hang on to Joey's every word. She couldn't help but admire her for how hard she must have worked after she'd left the Bay. Whenever she'd thought about her lost love, she imagined her still sailing the high seas. And she'd thought of her often.

"Do you think you could tell us something about yourselves?"

Bianca glanced nervously at Charlie. Joey watched their interaction with curiosity.

"As I said, my name's Bianca," Charlie's companion said. "I'm a school teacher and I was sexually assaulted a few weeks ago at a party. I don't know who it was because they drugged me and I don't remember all of what happened. It's a bit of a blur, to be honest. But it's destroyed my life. Charlie thought coming to a group like this might help."

She smiled anxiously at her friend. Everyone turned to look at her, waiting for her to speak.

"I um..." Charlie faltered. "Well, I'm mostly here to support Bianca. I'm a police officer and I've been working on her case. But um..."

She glanced anxiously at Joey.

"I was raped when I was a teenager," she admitted.

Joey swallowed a sudden lump in her throat.

"It's not something I've really dealt with, to be honest, and I thought if the group could help Bianca then maybe it might help me too. Maybe the trauma of what happened eighteen years ago might stop ruining everything else in my life."

She made eye contact with Joey for the first time.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie and Joey get a moment to talk and Bianca is eager to find out how they know each other...<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_This is for luckdog as a thank you for directing me to a photo of Kate Bell's new look! I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I'm currently writing chapter fourteen and it's really starting to shape now – I hope! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Three**

"Feel free to stick around for tea, coffee and conversation," Joey told the group when the session finished.

It had been a long hour for everyone as they shared their experiences and tried to find a way forward for everybody. Joey had tried not to feel too on edge about being in the same room as Charlie again. She was the last person she'd expected to walk through the doors. And she was shocked and saddened to learn of what happened to her as a kid. But at the same time, she felt the need to keep her distance. Charlie was part of a life that Joey had been running away from for a long time now. She didn't know how to cope with it chasing her.

"Thanks for bringing me," Bianca said quietly as the rest of the group started to pack up.

Nikki took drinks orders from everyone and revealed that she'd brought birthday cake, left over from her daughter's party.

"Do you want to stay?" Charlie asked Bianca.

"Yeah," the school teacher nodded, forcing a smile. "You're right. I think this is good for me."

Standing up, she smiled as Tash offered to cut her a slice of cake. Charlie's gaze immediately landed on Joey who was putting papers from the session into her bag. Taking a deep breath, she approached.

"Hi, Joey," she ventured.

The brunette turned around anxiously. Charlie studied her face. She looked older and yet still somehow, managed to look the same. Her hair was cut into a bob that framed her face. She also had a fringe. She looked even more beautiful that Charlie remembered.

"Hi," she said stiffly. "I think they're dishing out cake."

She nodded towards the refreshments table where Bianca was talking to Tash and Nikki to Jaq. Mike was putting away chairs.

"Is that it?" Charlie asked uncertainly. "I don't see you for two years and I get offered cake?"

"What do you want me to say, Charlie?" Joey asked.

Charlie swallowed and sighed.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"Then let's keep it professional," Joey suggested. "You and Bianca are welcome to come to the group but I'm not about to start raking up the past. I've spent two years trying to get away from it."

"You rake up the past every week by the sounds of it," Charlie pointed out.

"That's not the same," Joey snapped.

Mike turned at the sound of Joey's raised voice but sensing that it was none of his business, stacked the final chair and then sought out a slice of cake. Charlie turned back to Joey and apologised.

"I'm just shocked to see you," she said. "I'm probably not handling it very well."

"No shock there then," Joey remarked.

Charlie looked wounded. Joey moved away from her and joined the group. Sighing, Charlie watched her go. Standing with Bianca and Tash, Joey looked back at her and managed a smile.

"Do you want a slice?" she asked.

Nodding, Charlie moved forward. She watched as Joey cut her a slice with as much icing as possible. Putting it on a paper plate, Joey handed it over. Charlie wondered if she remembered her addiction to icing or if it was a random coincidence. They shared a smile before the group conversation continued.

* * *

><p>"How do you know Joey?" Bianca asked when Charlie drove her home.<p>

Charlie sighed, focussing on the road ahead of her. She considered lying but then decided that there was no point. Also, if she was going to encourage trust and friendship with Bianca then she ought to practice what she preached.

"She's my ex girlfriend," she admitted.

Bianca looked surprised.

"I didn't know you were into girls," she said eventually.

"It's not something I advertise," Charlie admitted. "Living in a small town... and having only dated guys over the last couple of years, I guess it hasn't come up."

Bianca nodded.

"So, when were you and Joey an item?" she asked. "For the record, she seems nice."

"She is," Charlie agreed, smiling affectionately at the thought of her ex love. "She's amazing. And you're in really safe hands with the group, I think."

"Don't you mean 'we'?" Bianca asked worriedly.

Charlie sighed again.

"I don't think it's going to be helpful for me to keep coming," she said. "I'm more than happy to get you there and back if you need me to but..."

She shook her head. Joey was clearly making something of herself and shaking off the life she'd led in Summer Bay. It didn't seem very fair to hang around, thrusting herself back in her life.

"Charlie, please?" Bianca begged. "I don't think I can do this without you. And you said... you said you'd help me. And that the group would help you too. Please?"

"I really, really hurt Joey when we broke up," Charlie confessed. "It's at the top of a very long list of things I'm ashamed of. I don't think it's fair to sit there with her when she clearly doesn't want me there."

"Well, let's find another group," Bianca suggested. "A group we can both go to?"

"I honestly don't think you'll get a better one than the one Joey's running," Charlie said. "She wasn't even considering training when we were together but she's always had the skill for it. She's very gentle and caring. She's so good at listening and empathising with people. You should stick at it."

"I don't want to do it without you," Bianca protested.

"You'll be fine, Bianca," Charlie said. "You don't need me. I would only have let you down anyway."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Bianca tries to convince Charlie to stay at the group...<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you again to everyone who has given me feedback on this story. I really appreciate it. When I first started posting I didn't really know where it was going but last week I had what I hope was a brainwave so I hope you all enjoy the direction the story will be taking. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Four**

"Please come in with me," Bianca begged.

It was the following week and Charlie had driven her friend back to the group with the idea that she would sit and read in the car outside.

"I don't think it would be helpful," Charlie said unhappily. "Joey's facilitating the group and she'll do a better job if I'm not there. It's not fair on her."

"What actually happened between the two of you?" Bianca wondered, not leaving the car.

Charlie sighed.

"I broke her heart," she said.

"How?"

"I cheated on her."

Bianca pulled a face. She pictured Liam's reaction when he'd found out about Heath.

"But if it was just a mistake..." she said. "I mean, Liam and I are trying to work through what I did..."

"That was different," Charlie said. "Liam abandoned you."

Bianca started to defend him but Charlie continued regardless.

"He did a disappearing act," she said. "How were you to know you were even together?"

"I still shouldn't have..."

"Maybe not," Charlie agreed. "But what you did with Heath was far more forgivable than what I did. Joey didn't do a single thing wrong when we were together. She did nothing but love me from pretty much the first moment we met. I messed her around and I hurt her time and again and she kept coming back for more. Then, when we finally decided to go for it, I messed it up. I slept with a guy behind her back. She left me as quickly as she could and understandably, I'm probably the last person she ever wants to see again."

She sighed unhappily as Bianca hung onto her every word.

"I want to support you," Charlie said. "But I can't go in there. It's not fair."

Sighing unhappily, Bianca nodded and climbed out of the car. Charlie watched her go and then sank back against her seat, closing her eyes in despair. How could it be that Joey was so close and yet so far?

* * *

><p>Joey looked up in surprise when she saw Bianca walk into the room alone. Only Mike had arrived so far. Nikki, Tash and Jaq had yet to turn up.<p>

"Are you alone?" she asked, cursing herself immediately for caring.

"Charlie's waiting in the car," the school teacher said.

Joey nodded, trying to figure out if she was relieved or not. Bianca took a seat beside her, speaking quietly.

"She doesn't think you want her in the group," she said.

Joey shifted anxiously.

"I presume she filled you in on our past," she said.

"Yes," Bianca said. "And I'm really sorry for what you went through with her. But... well, completely selfishly, I need her, Joey."

Joey swallowed anxiously fidgeting a little.

"If you'd let her be part of the group, I'd really appreciate it. It would help me and honestly, I think it would help her too," Bianca said, trying not to sound too desperate.

"I never said she couldn't be part of the group," Joey said, grateful that Mike was busying himself with rearranging the coffee table, partly because he had issues with OCD and partly because he had manners and didn't want to listen to their private conversation.

"I know but, well, maybe if you told her that..."

"Why don't you go out and tell her to come in?" Joey suggested.

"She wouldn't believe me," Bianca said. "She needs to hear it from you."

"I'm really not comfortable with seeking Charlie out and begging her to spend an hour and a half in the same room as me," Joey told her.

"Please?" Bianca asked, not caring about her own desperation now.

Sighing, Joey gave in.

"She's in the car park," Bianca said. "Her car's..."

"Blue?"

Bianca nodded. Joey forced an unhappy smile and then headed out of the room.

* * *

><p>Charlie nearly leapt out of her skin when the passenger door opened. Her eyes widened when Joey plopped into the passenger seat.<p>

"Joey!" she said.

"Bianca wants you to come inside," Joey told her. "So why don't you stop drawing attention to yourself and do what she asks?"

"I'm not..."

Joey looked at her. Charlie struggled to read her expression.

"I don't want to be part of your life again," Joey said. "But I have no objection to you being part of the group. Bianca thinks it will help her and obviously you've got issues about what happened to you. Something else you lied about, I might add."

Charlie swallowed anxiously, lost for words.

"So, like I said last week, you're welcome to the group," Joey told her, looking back out of the windscreen.

Her heart was pounding just being close to Charlie again. Her mind had been a mess since last week. Seeing Charlie after so long had brought back a lot of feelings she thought she had escaped.

"I'm so sorry for everything that happened," Charlie ventured.

"I don't really want to talk about it," Joey replied. "But thanks. I appreciate it."

Charlie nodded. Joey looked at her, trying not be struck by how beautiful she still was.

"Will you come inside?" she asked.

"Only if you don't mind."

"My job is to look after the people that come to my group," Joey said. "If Bianca's putting her trust in you, however ill advised I might think it is, then I have to do right by her. And I'm not keeping you out when she needs to you be there. Okay?"

"Okay," Charlie said quietly.

Nodding, Joey climbed out of the car she'd once known so well. Hesitating, Charlie also got out. She locked up and followed Joey into the building.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie rejoins the group...<em>


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Okay today we're talking about coping mechanisms," Joey announced when everyone was settled in the circle with hot drinks.

Charlie couldn't look away from her. She seemed like such a different person. Once upon a time, Joey had looked up to her and followed her lead. Now, she was a leader in her own right. She was strong, capable and in charge of her life. She was using her experiences to make a difference.

"What kind of coping mechanisms do you guys use? And they can be good and bad, helpful or non helpful. Let's just discuss them all and hopefully we'll be able to help each other find things that will genuinely make our pain feel more manageable."

She looked around the group, trying and failing to skip over Charlie who was sitting directly opposite her.

"Anyone?" she asked, nudging those who were shy about coming forward.

"Coming here?" Mike said nervously.

Joey nodded and smiled.

"Hopefully that comes under the helpful category," she said.

"It does," several people, including Mike chorused.

Bianca and Charlie remained silent.

"Anything else?" Joey asked, hoping that the dialogue would get going soon.

"Having good friends," Bianca said, glancing between Charlie and Joey. "Someone who'll understand you and support you."

"Yep," Joey agreed. "That's really important. Although you need to proceed with caution."

"What do you mean?" Tash asked.

Joey glanced at Charlie.

"Well, you have to make sure that the person you're putting your trust in is really going to help you. If you put your faith into the wrong person and they hurt you in some way then you might well end up back to square one, having to redo everything you've already done to recover."

Charlie swallowed and shifted in her chair as a wave of new guilt hit her. She hated how wrong she had got everything with Joey. She hated to think about what she had done to her.

"But even if that person hurts you," Joey added, feeling a little charitable. "They've probably done some good things for you too."

"Are you talking from experience?" Nikki asked, studying the leader's face.

Charlie closed her eyes. Her heart raced as Joey said 'yes'.

"Can you tell us about it?" Jaq asked.

Charlie fought the urge to bolt from the room. She looked at Bianca, knowing that no matter how she had screwed things up with Joey, this was her chance to come through for someone else.

"I'm not really supposed to share my personal experiences," Joey said awkwardly. "This is about you guys, not me."

"But every time you share, it helps," Tash said.

Charlie couldn't help but notice how adoringly the teenager looked at Joey.

"Okay," Joey said uncertainly. "After I was raped, I met a wonderful woman. She's the person who helped me get justice. She encouraged me to press charges and she took me into her home when I had nowhere to go. She did a lot to help me heal but things got a little too complicated between us and a lot of damage was done as well."

"Complicated how?" Tash wondered.

"We started dating," Joey explained. "I fell in love with her and she messed me around a bit before telling me that she loved me too. I don't really know if she did because less than a fortnight later, she cheated on me and broke my heart."

"What a bitch!" Nikki gasped.

Joey failed to meet Charlie's eyes. Bianca glanced at her friend, realising for the first time exactly why she hadn't wanted to be part of the group. Charlie gripped her cup of coffee so hard that her knuckles turned white.

"But on the other hand," Joey said quickly. "She literally saved my life. And she was instrumental in putting a rapist behind bars for ten years. So even though I was really hurt, I'll also be grateful for the good things she did."

This time, she managed to look at Charlie who smiled weakly at her. Joey was startled to realise that her ex-girlfriend was on the verge of tears.

"Now, what about other coping mechanisms?" she said, not wanting to discuss her own issues in a public forum. "What else do you guys do to try and get through?"

"I've been having counselling," Jaq ventured.

Joey nodded.

"It's always a good idea to find a way to talk about your experiences," she said. "Sometimes saying the words out loud is a good way of getting your feelings outside of you."

"I've been drinking a lot," Mike admitted. "That's not good, is it?"

"No," Joey agreed. "Although it is understandable. And maybe we need to look at ways to help you with that."

Mike nodded. He couldn't quite believe that he'd really said the words out loud.

"Sometimes I..." Tash faltered.

She shook her head and looked down, pulling at her sleeves and not wanting to continue. Beside her, Joey gently touched her hand, reminding her that this was a safe space to talk about how she felt.

"Sometimes I hurt myself," Tash admitted. "That's freaky, isn't it?"

"It's not good for you," Joey agreed. "But like Mike's drinking, it's can be a way that people cope with their feelings."

Tash nodded uncertainly. She wiped her eyes hurriedly.

"Why do you do it, Tash?" Nikki asked softly.

"Because I hate myself," Tash replied.

"Why? You're not the one who did anything wrong."

"I feel like... oh, it's hard to explain."

"Try..." Bianca urged quietly.

"I feel like my step-dad poisoned me or something," the teenager admitted. "Like that bad stuff in him has got into me. I feel..."

She shook her head, feeling stressed as she struggled to explain herself.

"That's how I felt," Charlie said, surprising everyone, including herself.

Tash looked at her, wide eyed and hopeful.

"I took everything on myself," Charlie ventured. "I was only a little bit younger than you and I thought it was all my fault. In a lot of ways, I don't think I've really taken the truth on board. In theory, I know that the blame lies with the boy who attacked me. But it's not easy to apply that to my feelings."

"You wonder what you did to deserve it..." Bianca said.

There were several nods amongst the group. Joey struggled to look after from her ex-girlfriend, strangely captivated by her pain.

"I've taken that with me for the last eighteen years," Charlie continued unhappily. "I haven't quite been able to let it go."

She sighed and put her empty cup on the floor.

"About a year after it happened, when I was still really struggling with what happened and its consequences, I went to stay with a relative. She found me one day destroying every single photograph of myself that she had. I cut my face out and I was so full of self loathing. I'm relieved that I didn't physically turn on myself but I guess it's the same kind of thing. Maybe. Do you think?"

She directed her question to Tash who nodded.

"Maybe I should try and do that instead," the teenager ventured. "That's a little bit less destructive, isn't it?"

"It might help you," Joey agreed, although she was still stunned over Charlie's revelation. "Did it help you, Charlie?"

"A little," Charlie said, meeting her gaze. "It stopped me turning it in on myself too badly."

"Thanks, Charlie," Tash said. "It's a relief to know that other people have felt the way I do."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... we learn a little more about what Joey's been doing for the last couple of years...<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_Particularly interested in your feedback on this chapter! I hope you like it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Six**

After the session, while the group was still milling about getting drinks and biscuits, Joey braced herself to approach Charlie.

"You were really brave tonight," she ventured.

Charlie looked up, startled to see Joey hovering over her.

"Thanks," she said awkwardly.

She swallowed some of her coffee and winced over it being too hot. Joey awkwardly came to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry for everything you went through," she said. "And I'm glad you've started to come to the group. I hope it's helpful to you."

"I think it will be," Charlie said. "I've never really... well, I've never really talked about any of it before. I only came to support Bianca but I think it will be useful to me as well."

She managed a smile. Joey smiled back.

"Why didn't you tell me what happened?" she asked.

"I ran out of time," Charlie replied honestly.

Joey chewed her lip and nodded, studying a mark on the floor.

"I've missed you," Charlie dared to admit.

Joey looked at her, torn between wanting to keep her close and shut her out.

"Yeah," she said. "I've missed you too. You're a hard person to get over."

She smiled weakly. Charlie returned the gesture.

"And I know you don't want to hear it," the Sergeant said. "But I'm so sorry for what I did."

Joey swallowed and nodded. She stood up abruptly and joined in with Mike who was helping to put the chairs away. Charlie sipped her coffee and watched Joey work. Her heart always felt on the verge of breaking.

* * *

><p>"I saw you and Joey talking tonight," Bianca ventured on the way home. "How was it?"<p>

Charlie nodded, concentrating on the road ahead of her.

"It was okay," she said. "I mean, I doubt we're going to be best friends plaiting each other's hair and having sleepovers or anything but if she can be civil to me then I'm happy. I don't deserve anything more than that."

Bianca sighed.

"I think you're really brave for coming to the group, Charlie," she said honestly. "And I'm also really grateful. I couldn't do this without you."

Charlie smiled.

"I'm sure you could," she said. "I'm not really the kind of person to invest your trust in. But if I can help you, I want to. I think if I had actually sought help after what happened to me then perhaps I wouldn't be so screwed up now. Perhaps I wouldn't keep making so many bad choices."

Bianca gazed at her friend affectionately and with compassion.

"You're too hard on yourself, Charlie," she said. "I know you've made mistakes but you're a good person. You've got a lot to give."

Charlie exhaled loudly.

"I raised my daughter as my sister because I couldn't be her mother," she said unhappily. "I threw myself into sexual relationships that never did me any good and just rammed home my lack of self esteem. I met the girl of my dreams and cheated on her in the worst one night stand I've ever had and let's face it, I've had a few. And I'm in trouble at work for having an ill advised affair with a River Boy. Yep, I'm a great person."

"I didn't say you hadn't made errors or lapses in judgement," Bianca said. "But you still have a good heart. And I'm not really one to criticise you for sleeping with a River Boy."

She sighed heavily.

"I know the DNA test cleared Heath but a big part of me thinks that if I hadn't gone there, none of this mess would have happened."

"Don't start blaming yourself," Charlie said firmly. "Whoever attacked you... they're the evil one. It's their fault. You have no responsibility to take."

"I hope you're right," Bianca said sadly.

* * *

><p>"Honey, I'm home!" Joey called, letting herself into her modest apartment.<p>

She dumped her bag in the hall and ventured towards the living room where the man she had chosen to share her life with, appeared with her eighteen month old son. Nathan was a year younger than Joey and from the UK. They'd met just under two years ago and their connection had been instant.

"Someone is refusing to sleep," Nate said.

"Aw, poor baby," Joey said, reaching out to hold Joshua.

"Me or him?" Nate remarked, leading the way back into the lounge.

"Him!" Joey laughed. "He's the poor little guy who gets stuck with you one night a week."

Nate looked outraged and rather camp as he flopped on the couch. Joey swung Joshua gently from side to side as she cuddled him and kissed the top of his head.

"Shall we put you back to bed, sweetheart?" she asked.

Josh shook his head adamantly. Joey smiled into his beautiful, blue eyes.

"But it's really late," she said. "Little boys need lots of sleep in order to have fun weekends."

Josh shook his head again.

"Why don't we give it a try?" Joey suggested.

The toddler looked uncertain but then smiled.

"Story?" he requested.

"Didn't Daddy read you one?" Joey asked.

Josh shook his head.

"He lies!" Nate said dramatically, making both mother and son laugh.

"Well, in that case I'll have to read you one," Joey decided, playing along.

"Goodnight, little monster," Nate called.

"Nate, you listen to far too much Lady Gaga," Joey called over her shoulder.

Joshua waved, prepared to let his mother settle him down for the night.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie discovers that Joey is married...<em>


	7. Chapter 7

_Glad to hear I surprised you with the twist in this story! If it helps, it surprised me too! I genuinely didn't know where I was going with this one but I think I have found the right direction now. I hope you're enjoying it. Things will become clearer in the next few chapters so I hope you continue to read and review. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Seven**

A week later, Joey, Charlie, Bianca, Jaq, Nikki, Tash and Mike all sat in their circle.

"We decided last week that we were going to talk about post-rape relationships," Joey began. "Is everyone happy with that?"

Personally, she wasn't in the least bit comfortable about it. The subject wasn't something she felt she could talk particularly openly about, especially now that her ex-girlfriend was in the group. That just complicated an already difficult situation even further.

"I really need to talk about it, I think," Jaq admitted. "I can't seem to move on in that way."

She glanced around the group, nervously seeking validation from the rest of the group members. Tash and Mike in particular nodded their agreement.

"Have any of you had relationships since what happened to you?" Joey asked.

Bianca shifted.

"I'm trying to," she said. "I was on a break with my boyfriend, Liam when it happened. He had a lot of problems so he um... he went away for a while. Now he's back and he's so desperate to support me. He's the one who found this group and convinced Charlie to take me. He's so patient and understanding but..."

She shook her head.

"I feel like I'll never be normal again."

"You will," Joey assured her gently, although sometimes she felt the same. "It'll just take some time."

"I was married and very much in a physical relationship with my husband when..."

Nikki trailed off and shook her head.

"I sleep in the spare room now. The gulf between us is just growing wider and wider."

"Are you able to talk about it with him?" Bianca asked.

Nikki shook her head again.

"The reason I started coming to this group was because I couldn't talk about my feelings and so I couldn't find a way through them," she admitted. "I suppose I was hoping to save my marriage. Like you, Bianca, my husband is so good to me in so many ways but I know he's frustrated."

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

"It's like I'm in this pit and I don't have the first clue as to how I could even try to get out."

"Well, maybe discussing it here is the beginning," Joey said.

"I hope so," Nikki replied.

"What about the rest of you?" Joey asked the rest of the circle. "Have you had similar experiences to Nikki and Bianca?"

She noticed with sadness that tears were rolling down Jaq's cheeks. She flushed as she caught Joey watching and wiped her eyes hurriedly. Charlie found some tissues in her pocket and kindly handed them over. Jaq accepted them gratefully and Joey was alarmed at how strongly she suddenly felt for Charlie again. It was something she was desperate to keep at bay.

"Do you feel like you could tell us what you're experiencing, Jaq?" Joey asked.

"I feel broken," Jaq said sadly. "I don't think I could ever be in a relationship again."

Everyone waited patiently for her to continue.

"It was my partner who raped me," she ventured. "Multiple times. He abused me physically, emotionally and sexually."

She dabbed at her eyes with the tissue.

"It was six months ago that I left him and even though I'm relieved to know he's going to jail, to be free of him... a big part of me feels like I will always be trapped. I have no idea how to move on with my life."

Bianca gently touched her hand.

"I can't even begin to imagine how it would feel to be attacked by someone who's meant to love you," she said.

Jaq smiled weakly but with gratitude. Bianca glanced at Charlie, silently willing her to speak up. Joey noticed and tried to read Charlie's somewhat panicked expression.

"Are you okay, Charlie?" Joey asked kindly.

"Um..." Charlie struggled. "I mean, it wasn't... it wasn't like what Jaq went through."

"We're all here to share our experiences," Joey said softly. "To try and heal together. If there's something you want to talk about then you don't need to be afraid."

Charlie gazed at Joey, struck by her gentleness. Even after all that had happened between them, she was being kind. It meant the world.

"I was raped by my boyfriend," Charlie ventured. "It's not the same as a husband. It's not as bad but..."

"Everything's relative," Joey said quickly. "There's no worse or better here."

Charlie nodded and took a deep breath.

"I was fourteen and I'd been dating a boy in my class for a few months. I was pretty naive then, not to mention confident that I could handle any situation. I was... I was at his house and we were kissing on the couch when he wanted more. I didn't want to... I really didn't. I wasn't ready for anything like that but he... well, he didn't take no for an answer. I didn't... I didn't date again until I was nineteen but... but I guess I kind of went the opposite way."

"What do you mean?" Nikki asked cautiously.

"A few of you have said that you couldn't be intimate with anyone afterwards and I guess I couldn't," Charlie said, feeling embarrassed. "I never had anything more than meaningless sex for a good long while. I only entered relationships that I knew would be doomed to fail. I couldn't connect with anyone and more often than not, sleeping with some guy I barely knew made me feel dirty. I think I used it as some kind of punishment."

She sighed, wishing she hadn't given away her tissue.

"The one time that I really did love someone, I screwed it up."

She looked directly at Joey, who swallowed and looked uncomfortable, trying to figure out if she was talking about her or not.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Charlie," Jaq said. "Everyone processes their pain in different ways. We've all got our own path to tread."

"Tell that to the person whose heart I broke," Charlie remarked, still looking at Joey.

The leader of the group looked down and doodled on her notepad.

"Joey, how do you cope?" Tash asked.

Joey looked back at up, a little startled.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're married, aren't you?"

Charlie's breath caught, causing her to choke.

"Yes," Joey ventured, clearly uncomfortable.

"Did you get married before or after?" Nikki asked.

"After," Joey said.

"And do you manage to... you know?" Tash asked, colouring a little.

Joey cleared her throat and shifted in her chair.

"I'm not really supposed to share personal details," she said quickly.

"But you usually do," Jaq pointed out.

"We don't... we don't really have a sexual relationship," Joey ventured.

Charlie's eyes were locked on her. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"And does your husband understand that?"

"Yes," Joey said. "He knows why."

Charlie's eyes widened at the confirmation that Joey was married to a man. She most definitely had not seen that coming.

"Have you been intimate with anyone else after what happened to you?" Tash asked.

"I had a partner pretty quickly after I was raped," Joey said honestly. "I thought she was going to be the love of my life. Sometimes I still think it. She understood what I'd been through – perhaps more than I realised at the time. But it went wrong and I got very hurt."

Charlie tried not to cry.

"I suppose that's why I always recommend proceeding with caution," Joey said. "Those first experiences, being let down after what you've already been through... it can really damage you."

"But you healed?" Charlie piped up. "You got married."

"Are you bisexual, Joey?" Tash asked, having quickly picked up on Joey's use of pronouns.

"I've had relationships with women and now I'm married to a man," Joey said diplomatically.

She didn't want to be drawn any more on the subject.

Charlie just continued to stare at her.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie struggles to understand Joey's life choices while Joey starts to realise that she is still in love with Charlie...<em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

At the end of the session, Charlie couldn't focus on anything but Joey. She let Bianca head over to the refreshments table with Jaq and Nikki while Joey packed up her bag. Charlie took a deep breath and approached.

"How on earth can you be married?" she asked, getting right to the point.

"Well, you get engaged and then you either go to a church or a registry office..." Joey replied, zipping her bag up and not making eye contact.

"You know what I mean," Charlie interrupted. "You're gay, Joey. How could you be married to a man?"

Joey finally looked at Charlie directly.

"You of all people should know that sexuality is on a sliding scale, Charlie," she said.

The police officer swallowed uncertainly.

"I don't understand," she said. "You... I'm so confused."

"Charlie, who I'm with and what I do with my life has nothing to do with you," Joey told her. "You lost that right when you slept with Hugo Austin."

She turned and put her bag in the corner of the room, ready to get herself a coffee.

"And I hear he's an even worse man that I thought he was," she added.

Charlie was speechless as Joey nudged past her, immediately striking up a conversation with Tash.

* * *

><p>Charlie was silent on the journey home. Bianca sat in the passenger seat, glancing between the window and her friend. Finally, she spoke.<p>

"Charlie, are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Charlie replied, not sounding at all convincing.

"Charlie..."

"What the hell has she become?" Charlie snapped.

Bianca sat back in her seat, preparing for a rant.

"She's a lesbian, Bianca!" Charlie said. "She's only ever liked girls! She's never been with a man! She..."

The Sergeant growled in frustration.

"If she thinks this is what she wants her life to be then she's kidding herself."

"You've never had a problem with straight relationships," Bianca pointed out. "I mean, she's the only girl you've been with, right? Your last two partners were men. Why is her being with a guy so abhorrent to you?"

"Because she's gay!" Charlie shouted. "She's not bi, she's not anything other than gay!"

"Maybe she's changed?"

"That's not the way it works!"

"Isn't it how it worked with you?" Bianca asked. "I mean, you thought you were straight and then you met her..."

"It's not the same," Charlie said more quietly. "It's not the same."

* * *

><p>"I need wine!" Joey declared when she walked through the front door.<p>

Nate chuckled and stood to meet her in the hall.

"Another exciting instalment of Charlie Buckton?" he asked.

Joey groaned and followed him into the kitchen. She sank into a chair while he poured a large glass of white wine and extracted a beer from the fridge for himself. He moved to sit beside her. She accepted the drink, gulping it down rather quickly.

"So, tell me all about it..."

"I got outed," Joey complained.

"As gay or...?"

"As being married to a man," Joey sighed.

Nate smirked.

"You seem so proud!"

"She was so upset, Nate," Joey said seriously. "And I know I shouldn't care but seeing her so confused... It broke my heart."

A smile twitched at the corner of her husband's mouth.

"You still love her, don't you?" he said.

Joey gulped some more wine down.

"I am officially the most pathetic person on the planet," she complained.

He grinned and hugged her, assuring her that she wasn't.

"You're amazing," he said. "Don't let anybody tell you differently. I mean, you saved me, didn't you?"

"We saved each other," Joey said when he'd pulled back.

"If it wasn't for what you did for me, Joey, my life would be over," Nate said sincerely. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't fall in love with someone the way you did with Charlie and then forget about them."

Joey finished her wine and moved back to the fridge to retrieve the rest of the bottle. She came to sit with her husband again.

"She's turning my world around all over again," she sighed. "I don't know if I can shut her out for much longer."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie meets Nate and Joshua...<em>


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

It was a Saturday and Ruby had nagged Charlie into taking her shopping.

"Why couldn't you get this stuff in Yabbie Creek?" Charlie complained tiredly.

"Because they don't have the right store there," Ruby explained merrily. "And this dress is very specific. Plus, you have a lot of making up to do."

"Why?" Charlie demanded, puzzling through any of the many things she had done wrong recently.

"Keeping secrets," Ruby said.

Charlie blanched and pictured Joey's face. She had not revealed to her daughter that she was back in touch with her ex.

"What do you mean?"she asked anxiously.

"Does the name Darryl Braxton ring a bell?" Ruby asked pointedly, stopping to look directly at Charlie.

She raised her eyebrows and continued to look unimpressed over Charlie's latest romantic disaster.

"We're not even together anymore," Charlie said hurriedly, starting to walk again.

Ruby trotted to keep up with her.

"But you were sleeping with him for months," Ruby pointed out. "While hassling me about dating Casey, I might add. You definitely owe me for being all deceitful."

Charlie sighed dramatically. She shook her head and opted not to argue. When everyone had found out the truth about her and Brax, she'd had to make the choice between him and her career. Her career had won pretty quickly and now they were staying out of each other's way. She had almost decided to give things another go but she'd found him in bed with his ex the very next day, which had put paid to that plan. Brax had tried to talk to her a few times but really, over the last few weeks, her head had been mostly full of Joey. And it was very confusing indeed.

"And anyway," Ruby added. "It's not like I've made you drive across the country. You come here every week for that group therapy thing with Bianca."

Without realising it, Ruby had hit the nail on the head when it came to why she didn't want to shop in this particular area. This was Joey's territory. She'd said a few weeks ago that she lived nearby and the last thing Charlie wanted to do was run into her playing happy families with her so called husband.

* * *

><p>"Joshua!" Joey hollered as her son made a dash for the door on his chubby, little legs.<p>

Leaving Nate in the shoe shop, Joey hurried out of the door. She met a mix of relief and horror when the toddler collided with a pair of legs and tumbled onto his bottom on the floor.

"Josh!" Joey said, scooping him up and apologising to the woman he had bumped into.

Straightening up, Joey apologised and then froze. Of all the people she could have bumped into, it had to be Charlie.

"Sorry," she said more quietly.

The police officer swallowed, looking between Joey and her little boy. She didn't even need to ask if they were related. The likeness was striking, even if he did have different colour hair and eyes.

"You have been busy," she remarked.

Joey cuddled Joshua a little closer.

"It's not really for you to judge," she replied curtly.

"Nope," Charlie agreed. "You're right. I'm the last person to make a remark about you living a complete and utter lie."

"You have no idea how I live my life," Joey snapped.

"Other than the fact that you're a lesbian and you've shacked up with some guy and had his baby," Charlie snapped back.

"Joey!" a voice shrieked.

Both women looked behind Charlie and watched Ruby charge up to them. She had been busy window shopping.

"Hey, Ruby," Joey said awkwardly, readjusting Joshua to her other hip.

She wondered if things could get anymore awkward.

"What are you...? I mean, how...? Who's this?" the teenager said, bombarding the woman who might have been her step mother with questions.

"I live nearby," Joey explained.

"With her husband," Charlie added sourly.

Joey glared at her. She did not want to get into this argument now.

"Husband?" Ruby said, her eyes wide. "And your...?"

"This is my son, Joshua," Joey introduced anxiously.

"He's cute," Ruby commented. "Isn't he, Charlie?"

"Yeah," Charlie replied stiffly. "Cute."

"Jo?" said a male voice from the shoe shop Joshua had bounded out of so suddenly.

She turned to see Nate looking a little bewildered. Charlie immediately clocked him. Her bitterness grew.

"I've got to go," Joey said hurriedly, turning back to the shop.

"Okay, you've seriously been holding out on me," Ruby remarked to Charlie. "We're going to lunch and you're going to fill in all the blanks."

Charlie sighed and followed her daughter down the street. _I wish I could,_ she thought to herself.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Nate gets a date while Ruby wants details from Charlie...<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_Just to warn you, tomorrow will be my last update until next Saturday as I am going away with some friends next week. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Ten**

"I thought you called me back because you were finally finished!" Joey complained as Nate led her back into the shoe shop.

"I needed your advice," her husband replied.

Joey looked sceptically between him and the sales assistant.

"Yes, he's gay and yes, he likes you," she replied bluntly.

Both Nate and the attractive blonde man coloured.

"So, why don't you exchange numbers and promise to call so that I can get on with my day? There was a reason I was right behind this little one when he made a bid for freedom."

She grinned to show she was joking.

"Here's my card," Nate said, forgetting all about shoes and taking Joey's advice.

The salesman, whose badge read 'Jamie' accepted it and then froze.

"Are you married?" he asked, noting Nate's ring.

"Um..."

Nate looked helplessly at Joey who shook her head.

"Only to me," she told him.

Jamie looked increasingly confused.

"It's a complicated situation," Joey said. "But we're both gay as rainbows so if you take his card and call him, you can arrange a date where he can explain everything to you. Now, I'm really hungry so can we please, please go?"

She looked plaintively at her husband who grinned, said goodbye to Jamie and then followed her out of the shop.

"So, who was that girl you were talking to out there?" he wondered.

"I need to sit down before I explain that," Joey replied.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you've been seeing Joey all this time and you didn't even tell me," Ruby said, sitting back in her chair and shaking her head.<p>

Mother and daughter were waiting for their meals to arrive. For now, they were sipping smoothies.

"I'm not _seeing _her," Charlie corrected. "She just happens to run the support group Bianca and I go to."

"And did you know this before you suggested it?" Ruby asked.

"No!" Charlie denied. "I was stunned to see her there. And well, it hasn't exactly been going well."

She sighed heavily and had some more of her drink, stirring it with her straw.

"What's the deal with her having a husband and kid?" Ruby wondered.

Charlie shrugged.

"I have no idea," she said. "But they must have got started pretty quickly after she left me."

She pulled a face and began to idly destroy a napkin.

"You're hardly one to talk, Charlie," Ruby said bluntly.

She expected Charlie to retort but she only looked more depressed. Losing Joey was one of the worst things she'd ever done.

"I just don't understand," the cop admitted. "I feel like I don't even know her anymore."

"Well, I guess you don't," Ruby pointed out rather bluntly. "But if you ask me..."

"I'm not asking you."

"If you ask me, you're handling it all wrong," Ruby continued, unfazed. "Laying into her about her choices isn't exactly going to win her back, is it? Unless you don't want to?"

"Of course I want to."

"What about Brax?" Ruby asked.

"We've broken up," Charlie reminded her. "And as fun as it was, we should never have been together in the first place."

She sighed, wondering when she had stopped caring about herself. _When Joey left, _she realised. She downed the rest of her drink a little too quickly and looked around for the waitress to provide her with another.

* * *

><p>Nate sat back in his chair, pushing his lunch plate away. Joshua was also seated at the table making a very big mess of his food. Joey had barely touched her own meal and had been very quiet all the way home.<p>

"I can't believe I actually missed out on meeting _the _Charlie Buckton," Nate said, shaking his head. "I mean, all this time..."

"It's not a game, Nate," Joey sighed. "Why did she have to come back in my life? I'd just got everything sorted and under control and now..."

She sighed and folded her arms unhappily.

"I knew I should have stayed on the trawler," she said. "I never would have run into her if I'd done that."

"You can't really raise a baby on a trawler," Nate pointed out.

Joey glared at him for stating the obvious.

"Why did she have to come back in my life?" she asked again. "I was happy without her. I'd moved on. And now..."

"Now?"

"Now I realise that I never moved on at all."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... the group discuss raising children and Charlie discovers the truth about Joshua...<em>


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Look, Charlie, maybe this group isn't such a good idea," Bianca ventured as she and her friend headed over to their weekly support group meeting.

"Isn't it helping you?" Charlie asked, concentrating on the road ahead.

"Well, yes, it's helping _me _but I'm not so sure about you," the teacher said. "And I don't want to do it without you, so..."

Charlie sighed heavily, turning into the road the community centre was on.

"If it's helping you and you need me then I'm more than happy to keep attending," she assured her. "It's not the easiest thing in the world, to see Joey married and with a child but I can deal. It's all my own fault anyway."

"How?"

"If I hadn't hurt her the way I did then her life would be very different," Charlie explained. "I'd hope we'd still be together and maybe neither of us would have made such bad choices."

She pictured Angelo and then Brax. She thought about the mess she had thankfully temporarily made of her relationship with Ruby. And then saw Joey with her husband and son. Everything made her feel sick.

"Besides," she added. "The last time I attempted to help someone – Joey – through this situation, I completely screwed it up. So I'd like to make good on my promises this time. I don't want to let you down."

"Well, if it helps," Bianca said. "I don't think I'd even be near recovering from what happened if it wasn't for you. So, thank you. I'm grateful."

Charlie parked and turned to smile at the pretty blonde.

"It helps," she assured her. "It definitely helps."

* * *

><p>Joey could feel waves of bitterness directed at her from Charlie as they sat in the group together. It made her feel distinctly uncomfortable and her words had faltered several times because of it. And that was very annoying.<p>

"I just don't know how to be with my kids anymore," Jaq sighed unhappily. "They seem so torn over everything that happened with their father. And the more they stay on the fence, the harder I'm finding it. I worked so hard to protect them from the truth and it's kind of backfired on me."

She sighed heavily. Tash reached out and squeezed her hand.

"The fact that one of them was a forced conception doesn't help either..." Jaq admitted.

Charlie felt her breath catch. She swallowed some cold coffee to distract herself. Bianca looked at her, silently willing her to speak up.

"It doesn't mean I don't love my son," Jaq ventured. "But I had serious trouble bonding with him when he was born and... and I think that's reflected in my relationship with him now."

She glanced around the room, anxious for someone to understand what she was saying. Bianca nudged Charlie but the police officer still refused to speak.

"Am I the only one with kids here?" Jaq asked.

"Joey has a son," Charlie said. "Don't you?"

Tash looked particularly surprised, although she reasoned that if she had a husband, it was reasonable to think that she probably had a baby too. It was just upsetting because all this time, Tash had quite liked the group leader and hoped maybe one day she'd look at her in a romantic way.

"I have a son but it's not really relevant," Joey said stiffly.

Charlie's eyes burned into hers. She swallowed and shifted in her seat.

"Maybe we need a coffee break," she suggested, noting Jaq's increasing distress.

The older woman nodded and escaped to the bathroom. Sometimes it was appropriate to work through individual group members' tears but Joey had learnt quickly that Jaq usually needed a break before she could come back and share her heart with them. While everyone else organised beverages, Joey approached Charlie, offering a cold look.

"Outside," she said.

Charlie nodded uncertainly and followed her into the car park. She could kick herself for being so bitter and aggressive. Really, she had no right to comment on anything Joey did. But she couldn't seem to help herself.

* * *

><p>In the fresh air, Joey immediately faced Charlie, her eyes blazing.<p>

"What the hell are you playing at?" she snapped.

Charlie folded her arms and faltered a little.

"What I choose to do with my life has nothing to do with you, Charlie," Joey continued. "So I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of my business. I don't want you bringing my personal life into the group. I'm meant to be a professional. I have my whole degree riding on this and I want to do my best for the people in there. Why are you giving me so much hassle?"

Charlie was struck by how distraught her ex-girlfriend looked.

"I'm sorry," she managed. "I just... I don't understand how you ended up with a husband and a son..."

"You want to know how I ended up with a son?" Joey snapped. "He was born at the beginning of December 2009. Why don't you do the maths and then criticise me?"

With that, she stormed back towards the building. Charlie's heart lurched as realisation dawned on her. If Joey had given birth in December then the only person who could have fathered her child would have been Robbo – her rapist.

"Joey!" she yelled, chasing after her.

Joey kept walking. Catching up, Charlie tugged on her arm. Joey turned around furiously.

"What?" she snapped.

"Why didn't tell me you were pregnant when we were together?" Charlie wondered.

"I didn't know," Joey said honestly. "I realised when I was chucking up over the side of the trawler every morning. You'd already destroyed me by that point."

She turned back to the building.

"Joey, I'm so sorry," Charlie said weakly.

Adamant that she didn't care, Joey returned to the group.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie bears her soul in the group and she and Joey begin to make some progress...<em>


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Back in the group, Charlie and Joey were both on edge and couldn't quite look at each other.

"Are you okay?" Bianca asked quietly as everyone else assembled in the small circle.

Charlie nodded mutely, twisting her fingers together in her lap. She glanced up at Joey who had put her brave face on.

"Okay, where were we?" she asked.

She looked at Jaq who looked a little better than she had before the break.

"We were talking about kids," she said. "And I was hoping maybe people could help me..."

She looked sadly around the group.

"I think you're very brave," Charlie piped up.

Everyone looked at her in surprise.

"I got pregnant as a result of being raped," the police officer admitted. "And I wasn't strong enough to cope and keep my baby."

Joey stared at her with wide eyes. Charlie met her gaze.

"Anyone that can stand up and be a mother in that situation is pretty incredible," she said.

Joey continued to stare at her.

"Weren't you my age when you were raped?" Tash said, recalling Charlie's first meeting.

"I was fourteen," she said.

"Two years younger than me..." Tash realised, looking stunned.

"Did you give your baby up for adoption?" Jaq asked.

"Sort of," Charlie said.

She glanced at Joey, wondering if she was doing the maths.

"My parents adopted my daughter and she was raised as my sister," Charlie explained.

Joey looked shocked. Her mind was reeling.

"She found out the truth a couple of years ago and..."

Charlie sighed and shook her head.

"Well, I can't say she took it very well. You wouldn't, would you?"

"She can't have blamed you though," Tash piped up. "Considering the circumstances."

"It's been a hard road," Charlie said. "But we're getting there, I think. She moved out but she moved back in with me last year. And... well, it was very complicated when her father came back into the picture but... well, he's gone now and she and I are picking up the pieces."

Joey swallowed the lump in her throat. She could imagine only too well what Charlie had been through. Charlie made tentative eye contact.

"I'm not trying to make it all about me," the police officer said self consciously. "But if I can help you, Jaq by identifying with how you feel then I want to. Everyone shares so much of themselves here and I'm aware that I haven't really done the same."

"Thank you, Charlie," Jaq said honestly.

"Well done for speaking up," Joey added quietly.

The ex lovers smiled a little nervously at each other before the conversation continued.

* * *

><p>After the session, while Nikki was making drinks and Mike was putting the chairs away, Joey stepped up beside Charlie.<p>

"I thought you were very brave tonight," she said.

"Thank you," Charlie replied.

"Ruby's really your daughter?" Joey asked, as if not quite able to believe it.

"Yes."

"I guess it make sense," Joey ventured. "The relationship you have..."

She trailed off and sighed. Charlie nodded and shoved her hands in her pockets.

"I'm really sorry about before, Joey," she said. "I should never have judged you."

"Well, on the surface it looks like I'm living a lie," Joey admitted. "I'm still gay as a rainbow. But so is my husband."

Charlie looked a little stunned.

"We met in a group like this," Joey admitted. "We bonded. He's from the UK and needed a visa so we got married and he's been a father to Joshua all this time. He's been amazing."

Charlie nodded. She felt a twinge of unhappiness that she had messed things up so badly. If only she had been able to deal with loving Joey in the first place, she might be the one to support her in raising her son. She might have been given a second chance to make up for past mistakes.

"I'm glad that you've had so much support," Charlie said honestly. "You deserve someone that can be relied on."

Joey nodded. They both felt sad.

"And I know you don't particularly want to hear it," Charlie added. "But I will never stop regretting losing you, Joey."

"Me too," Joey said, surprising both of them.

She smiled weakly.

"I um... I doubt you'd want to but here's my card," Charlie said, digging one out of her pocket. "You probably don't have my number anymore..."

"No, I don't," Joey said.

She accepted Charlie's card and tucked it into her own pocket.

"If you ever want to talk or something," Charlie said. "Call me."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey decides to meet up socially with Charlie...<em>


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

It was a Saturday afternoon. With Joshua taking a nap, Joey was sitting on the sofa in front a television she wasn't watching. What she was doing was comparing the number on Charlie's business card to the number she already had stored in her phone. It was the same. The only difference was that the card announced that Charlie was a Sergeant now. Joey couldn't help but feel proud of her for that.

"Are you going to call her?" Nate asked, entering the room.

He would be working this evening and so had taken the day to chill out and get some chores done.

"No," Joey said, although really, she hadn't made her mind up yet. "Why the hell should I?"  
>"Because you want to," Nate said bluntly.<p>

Joey sighed and tossed the card and her phone onto the coffee table.

"I did all of this to get away from her, Nate," she said. "How dare she bulldoze her way back into my life?"

Nate came to sit beside his wife on the couch. He put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head.

"I'm not advising you to get back with her," he said. "In fact, I think that's probably a really bad idea. She hurt you an unforgiveable amount and you're right, you've worked really hard to escape the feelings that you had for her. But Joey, there are a lot of things that have been left unsaid. Maybe you should meet up with her to get closure if nothing else?"

Joey chewed her lip. There were a lot of questions she wanted to ask. Closure had been something she'd been chasing for a long while now but had never quite achieved. And she wanted to tell Charlie some things too. She wanted to show her what a success she had made of herself despite the odds, despite the trauma she had been through.

"Maybe," she conceded. "Maybe."

* * *

><p>Charlie paused in her walk along the beach when she spotted Brax coming out of the sea with his surfboard. He noticed her immediately and both of them stood there, uncertain over what to do. When the truth had come tumbling out about their fling, they had decided that the best thing to do was break up. It wasn't good for a police officer, especially a Sergeant, to be seen to be fraternising with a man who had such a reputation. And Brax had been severely slated by the rest of the River Boys for getting involved with a cop.<p>

The whole thing had been left unfinished but over the last few weeks, Charlie had found herself thinking less and less about him. For a while there, she'd thought that she was falling in love with him. But really, she thought she'd just wanted to. He was a nice guy and compared to Angelo, he treated her with respect and care. It was nice and she appreciated it.

But just as had been the case with Angelo, Charlie knew that Brax wasn't the person she was supposed to be with. The love of her life had sailed away from her a long time ago. It was painful but the absence of Joey from her life had at least made things manageable. Now she was back. They saw each other on a weekly basis. And it was throwing Charlie through a loop. She had been surgically attached to her phone for the past few days, hoping that Joey might actually call. But the more time that passed, the less likely it seemed that she would. There were just so many things that Charlie needed to say and to hear.

Taking a deep breath, Brax stepped forward and approached his ex-girlfriend. Charlie froze, looking and feeling anxious. It wasn't going to do either of them any good to be seen together right now.

"I just wanted to see how you are," Brax said. "I haven't seen you in ages."

Charlie nodded and shifted her hands into different positions, trying to look even remotely comfortable.

"I'm okay," she said. "Working hard. Trying to look after Bianca."

He nodded.

"How's she doing?" he asked. "Any idea who attacked her yet?"

Mostly, he was just relieved that his brother, Heath, had been proved innocent. He and his gang were capable of a lot of things but, as he had said to Charlie at the time, there were lines that they did not cross.

"No leads so far," Charlie said unhappily. "But she's doing okay. We're working pretty hard to get her back on her feet."

Brax nodded and sighed.

"I miss you, Charlie," he said.

Charlie smiled weakly. She didn't want to say it back. Firstly, it wasn't completely true. It would have been, if Joey hadn't come back on the scene. And secondly, how would it help? They couldn't be together, even if they wanted to. It was an impossible situation. She was saved from speaking when her phone beeped.

"Sorry," she said, backing away.

Brax watched her go. Charlie headed back down the beach and stopped abruptly when she saw that the text message had come from Joey. It read: _How about a coffee before group next week? J xxx_

* * *

><p><em>Next time... over coffee, Charlie is completely honest with Joey about what she has been doing since they broke up...<em>


	14. Chapter 14

_I'm afraid this meeting might not go the way you want it to but you should all know by now that they'll get there eventually! I hope you're still enjoying this story. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Fourteen**

Charlie was nervous as she waited at an outside table at the cafe she and Joey had arranged to meet at. It was nerve wracking to think that she and Joey would be together for a whole hour on their own. Charlie was just hopeful that she wouldn't mess everything up.

"Hi, Charlie," Joey said, approaching from behind.

Charlie turned and smiled, standing up to greet her. Awkwardly, they sat down together and waited for a waitress to approach and take their drinks orders.

"I was really happy that you asked me to have coffee with you," Charlie said honestly.

"Yeah," Joey said. "I think... I think there were a lot of things left unsaid between us."

Charlie nodded and chewed her lip.

"So um... well, what have you been up to for the last couple of years?" Joey asked.

Charlie exhaled slowly.

"I don't really know where to start," she admitted.

"From when I left?"

Charlie nodded and took a deep breath.

"Well, I was pretty much a mess after you went," Charlie said. "I've missed you every day for two long years. When I realised you weren't coming home, I ended up with a guy called Angelo."

"Your ex boyfriend?" Joey recalled. "The one who went to jail?"

"Yes," Charlie said. "He was released from jail with no charges to answer and he was allowed back onto the police force with an undercover mission."

She swallowed as pictures of Hugo invaded her brain.

"We got together and started a pattern of breaking up and making up so many times that I've almost lost count," she revealed. "First we broke up after I had a car accident with Br... Someone."

"Who?" Joey asked curiously.

"Brett ran me over," Charlie said awkwardly.

Joey looked startled and drew away ever so slightly.

"I think it was an accident though," Charlie added. "But then I ended up having to tell Angelo that you and I were together when you lived here. He was pretty furious about me keeping secrets so he dumped me."

Joey raised her eyebrows, looking distinctly unimpressed.

"You still wanted me to be your dirty little secret then?" she remarked.

"No," Charlie said. "I just couldn't talk about you without breaking down so I made the decision not to do it."

Joey relaxed a little and nodded. They both thanked the waitress when she approached them with their coffees.

"From there, everything about Ruby came out," Charlie said uncertainly.

Joey nodded, feeling compassionate.

"I was pretty shocked when you told the group last week," she admitted. "I mean, it's been hard enough to deal with being a mother to Joshua because of his conception. But at least I was in my twenties. You were just a child yourself."

Charlie chewed her lip and sipped her coffee even thought it was too hot.

"Well, I failed her," she said sadly. "I ran away for a year and by the time I got back, she thought Mum and Dad were her parents. The truth came out just after you left though and we're dealing with it as best we can. But it hasn't been easy. She moved out for ages but she eventually came back last year."

Joey nodded, waiting patiently for her former love to continue.

"Anyway, Angelo and I got back together but then I broke up with him for keeping secrets from me," Charlie explained. "We got back together and things were going okay until he asked me to move in with him. I panicked and didn't feel able to make the commitment."

Joey opened her mouth and then closed it. Now wasn't the time to make barbed comments.

"I put myself into counselling to try and figure out why I was having such an issue," Charlie continued. "Through that, I realised that the biggest problem with being with Angelo was that I knew he'd never be the love of my life. I knew that I was still in love with you."

She trailed off and looked down. Joey fidgeted a little, not sure whether to be pleased, pissed off or pained.

"We got back together eventually and I tried a lot harder to make things work," Charlie said, deciding that she just had to be honest about everything. "We lasted until Christmas time last year. He nearly cheated on me and I responded by giving him what he wanted, even though I knew it wouldn't make me happy – moving in with him. We lived together for a month or so but it pretty much went wrong after that. Then my father died..."

"I'm sorry," Joey said gently.

Charlie smiled weakly and nodded her gratitude.

"Angelo and I had a one night stand after the funeral because I was so messed up. I hadn't even been there when he'd died. I hadn't visited for ages and then suddenly it was too late. I didn't take Ruby to see him either so I don't think she'll ever forgive me completely for making her miss out. I don't think I'll forgive myself for it either."

"It sounds like you've got a lot of forgiving to do, Charlie," Joey said honestly. "How do you expect to move on with your life if you keep hating yourself?"

"When you've fucked up your life as many times as I have, forgiveness isn't really an option," Charlie sighed.

Joey gazed at her compassionately, taking in her beautiful features and her sad, sad eyes. Spontaneously, she reached across the table and squeezed her hand. Charlie smiled, touched by the gesture. Joey drew away and sipped some more of her coffee.

"For the last few months, I've been seeing another guy in secret," Charlie said. "He's the leader of a pretty notorious gang and as a cop, I have so many run ins with all of them. I do think he's a good guy and that he wants to step away from the kinds of things he's involved in but it's not really as easy as that."

"Wait," Joey interjected. "You're dating a criminal?"

"Not anymore," Charlie said quietly. "We broke up when everyone found out about us. We were both getting so much hassle and it seemed like the right thing to do."

"Too right," Joey said, unable to stop the bitterness creeping in.

Charlie looked nervous.

"Do you know how offensive all of this is, Charlie?" Joey asked.

The police officer didn't respond.

"You dated a guy who killed a colleague in the army," Joey said.

Charlie looked startled.

"I kept an eye on the goings on in the Bay for a little while," Joey explained.

Charlie nodded and sighed heavily.

"Then you cheated on me with a man responsible for all kinds of evil things, not least of which was human trafficking. Then you dated someone who killed one of your colleagues. And since then you've been sleeping with a known criminal gang member."

She shook her head unhappily.

"And you tried to make it work with all of them but me," she finished. "Seriously, Charlie, what was my crime? Or is it a case of it doesn't matter who you date and what evil they're capable of as long as they've got a penis and you can pretend you're straight without a curve in sight?"

Charlie felt tension running through her body and detected the distinct sensation of tears threatening to spill.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Joey nodded and looked away. What else was there to say?

"If it helps, you were the only person I loved," Charlie added quietly.

Joey looked her directly in the eye.

"It doesn't help," she replied honestly.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey shares her story with Charlie before asking to see her again...<em>


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Charlie and Joey stared anxiously at each other across the table. An awkward silence had descended on them and neither knew what to say next. Joey was annoyed with herself for her angry outburst. Intensive therapy had been intended to stop that kind of thing. But it seemed that she could only feel okay about her past hurt when Charlie wasn't around, looking so beautiful and sounding so apologetic.

"So... um... tell me what you've been up to?" Charlie ventured, her voice tight and her body tense.

She shifted several times and struggled to make eye contact.

"Well, after I left the Bay I stayed on the trawler for a couple of months but after weeks of chucking up over the side of the boat and struggling to do my work, they sent me to a doctor. We had to go back to shore anyway so I agreed to go and that's when I found out I was four months pregnant."

Charlie nodded, unsure of what to say.

"The company and I agreed to terminate my contract. A pregnant woman on a trawler isn't very helpful," Joey continued. "I found myself homeless, unemployed, pregnant, heartbroken and alone and I pretty much ended up having a breakdown."

Charlie swallowed. She made eye contact and struggled with tears over what Joey had been through, especially considering that a lot of it was her fault. She apologised without realised the words were leaving her lips.

"It's not your fault," Joey said simply. "You didn't get me pregnant. I mean, you were good but you weren't _that _good!"

She laughed and flashed a cheeky smile. Charlie managed a laugh too but it halted quickly.

"The rest of it was down to me though," she said unhappily. "If I'd been a better girlfriend you wouldn't have been heartbroken or alone."

"True," Joey said reasonably. "But then, there's not much point dwelling on it. I think life turns out the way it's supposed to."

"That's letting me off pretty easily but..."

Charlie trailed off and sighed. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting from this meeting but if she was under any illusions that a reunion might be on the cards, they were over now.

"So, yeah, I pretty much had a breakdown," Joey continued. "It was messy for a while. The police talked me off a bridge and I stayed in a psychiatric unit for a couple of months while I tried to sort myself out."

Charlie tried not to react with the grief she felt. She couldn't bear to think of what her poor Joey had gone through. She hated to think of her being so lost and alone.

"I was seven months gone by the time I was ready to leave," Joey explained. "I couldn't go straight back into work so they helped me out with organising state benefits and finding an apartment. While I was in the clinic though, I had to attend group therapy sessions, much like the ones I'm running now but more intensive. And that was when I met Nate."

Charlie swallowed, picturing the brief moment she'd seen Joey's husband.

"He's my age and he came to Australia from England and was backpacking around the country when he was raped by a gang of drunken thugs," Joey said. "We bonded and we were given the same release date so it made sense for us to find somewhere together. He was so amazing about the baby. He helped me so much through my pregnancy. And for obvious reasons, it wasn't the easiest nine months of my life."

Charlie nodded, remembering her own pregnancy with Ruby. It had been hell.

"His visa was running out though so we applied to get married and now we live together as pretend husband and wife," Joey said. "We knew it wouldn't get complicated. We're both gay so there was never going to be a romantic interest. And we've become such good friends. I know technically we broke the law but..."

She shrugged.

"It sounds like it was the right thing to do," Charlie said softly.

Joey nodded.

"I would have cracked up if I'd had to raise Josh by myself," she admitted. "It's still not the easiest thing in the world. I mean, I love him so much and now, I could never imagine my life without him. Even with all the trauma I had to go through for him to exist..."

She plastered a smile on her face.

"He was worth it."

Charlie nodded. She knew exactly what she meant. The ex partners gazed at each other for a long while.

"I'm glad that you eventually had someone to help you," Charlie finally said. "And I'm sorry it wasn't me. I'm sorry for the way I let you down."

"It's fine," Joey said, although it stuck in her throat a little. "Like I said, I couldn't live without Joshua or Nate and I doubt I would have met the latter if I'd have stayed in the Bay. So, I guess in some ways, you did me a favour."

Charlie's breath caught. A lump immediately formed in her throat. Joey noticed.

"I'm not being harsh," she said quickly. "I'm not laying into you."

"It's fine," Charlie said, wiping her eyes and hoping Joey wouldn't notice.

"I just mean that... look, Charlie, you were the love of my life, okay?" Joey said honestly.

More tears fell. Charlie didn't bother to hide them.

"But if I wasn't yours then yes, as painful as it was, it was right that we split up. I wish we'd have done it in a better way but if you weren't meant to be with me, if you didn't love me..."

"I did!" Charlie said desperately. "I do."

"Not the way I loved you," Joey said.

"How can you say...?"

"Because if you had, you wouldn't have cheated on me," Joey pointed out.

Charlie swallowed hard and wiped her eyes. She whispered an apology.

"You don't need to keep saying sorry," Joey told her. "I don't want you to feel bad. It sounds like you've never let go of the guilt but I think that's something you genuinely need to do – for yourself as much as anyone else."

Charlie shrugged.

"Maybe," she said. "I guess there's no point in holding on to it if you're actually happy that we broke up."

"I didn't say that," Joey told her.

"Well, yeah, you kind of did," Charlie argued. "And it's fine, you know? I wouldn't want to date me either. I'm a screw up of the biggest variety. I never deserved you in the first place and it was only right that I lost you. And it's good that you've moved on and made something of yourself. You're happy that you left me behind and that's okay."

Joey clenched her jaw, debating over how to respond. Sighing heavily, she looked at her watch.

"We'd better head over to the community centre," she said.

Charlie nodded.

"Do you drive or...?"

"No," Joey said.

"Want a lift?"

"It's not far."

"If we're going to the same place then we may as well go together," Charlie said.

She tried to smile but Joey could only see pain in her eyes. And she feared that her own expression matched.

"Okay," she said. "Thanks."

Charlie forced the smile again and then led the way to where she had parked. Heart hammering in her chest, Joey tried to decide what she should say next, if anything. The conversation had been intended to help the situation but she felt now that she had only hurt Charlie more. And regardless of what she'd done in the past, she didn't want that.

"Hey, we're having a little party on Saturday," Joey ventured, jogging to keep up. "Would you like to come? You could bring Ruby, Leah and VJ if you like?"

"For your birthday?" Charlie asked.

Joey stumbled in surprise that she'd remembered.

"I remember everything about you," Charlie said sincerely, reading Joey's mind.

Joey smiled. Charlie unlocked the car. Opening the door, she turned back to Joey.

"Thanks," she said. "But I don't think spending social time together is the best idea."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... the group want to know more about Joey's private life and Charlie changes her mind about the party...<em>


	16. Chapter 16

_A short but hopefully sweet chapter for you this morning. I hope you like it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Sixteen**

With the group assembled as usual, Joey glanced at Charlie and then focussed on Jaq.

"Jaq, I did you a disservice last week and for that, I apologise," she ventured.

Everyone but Charlie looked confused.

"I got pregnant too when I was raped," Joey explained. "Like you did. And like Charlie did. I could have been more helpful last week and I wasn't. I'm sorry. I guess you can be in therapy forever and there are still some things you don't find easy to talk about."

She offered a self deprecating smile. Tash gazed at her. Jaq nodded and thanked her quietly.

"I'm sorry for what you and Charlie have been through but totally selfishly, I feel better at not being alone," she admitted.

"That's totally understandable," Joey said.

She looked at Charlie who readily agreed.

"What about your husband?" Nikki asked curiously.

Joey blanched and chewed her lip. It wasn't the brightest idea to tell the whole world that she and Nate had broken the law. All it took was one phone call to immigration and he'd have to go home.

"He's not the biological father of our son," she said. "But he is his Dad."

"But you're still bisexual?" Tash asked.

Joey puzzled over why her sexuality seemed to matter so much to the teenager.

"I don't label myself," she said. "But, like I said before, I've had more relationships with women. And my marriage is pretty much platonic due to circumstances."

"If you weren't married do you see yourself having a sexual relationship with a woman?" Tash asked.

Charlie chewed her lip. Joey may be oblivious but she knew exactly why Tash was so interested. And she could hardly blame her.

* * *

><p>After the session, with Bianca having come in her own car, Charlie hung around and helped Joey pack away and lock up.<p>

"Would you like a lift home?" she offered when they reached the car park.

"Oh, it's okay," Joey declined. "It's not a long walk."

"It's a quicker drive though," Charlie pointed out. "And it's no trouble."

Joey hesitated and then agreed, thanking her.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the car for the second time that day, Joey felt a little strange. She had strong associations with sitting in this car with Charlie. She'd done it a lot. And it was in this very seat that she and Charlie had confessed their love for each other and started what had turned out to be a very short lived relationship.<p>

"Charlie, I don't think I explained myself very well earlier," Joey ventured.

Charlie cast a glance at her as she started the engine.

"I wasn't saying that I was glad we split up," Joey said. "Nothing could be further than the truth really. What I meant was... well, I've learnt to take any good I can out of a bad situation. For a counsellor, I'm not sure I expressed myself very well."

She flashed the same self conscious smile at her. Charlie felt relieved.

"Okay," she nodded, pulling out of the car park and turned left as instructed. "Thanks. I did think you were happy things didn't work out. And I know I have no right, really, but it hurt. I've spent two long years missing you and... well... you..."

"I've spent two long years missing you too," Joey assured her. "There have been so many times when I've needed you or wished you were around. There were so many things I think I would have coped better with if I'd had you in my life."

She smiled sadly. Charlie returned the gesture. They drove the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

><p>At home that night, having reported back to Ruby every detail of her meeting with Joey, Charlie got changed and lay in bed, not quite ready for sleep. She picked up her phone and twirled it around in her hands a few times before selecting to compose an SMS. She typed:<em> If the invitation is still on the table, I'd love to come to your birthday party. Charlie xxx<em>

She closed her eyes and attempted to sleep, opening up again when her phone beeped. It was a message from Joey.

_The invitation is definitely still on the table. I'd love you to be there. J xxx_

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie, Ruby, Casey, Leah, Miles and VJ attend Joey's birthday party where they are reunited with an old friend...<em>


	17. Chapter 17

_There are ten chapters left after this. I may or may not update tomorrow but thank you all for your lovely messages. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Seventeen**

On Saturday, Charlie and Leah left the house in separate cars. Charlie drove Ruby and Casey to Joey's apartment, while Leah brought Miles and VJ. Charlie was nervous to say the least. She worried about who would be there and who would know what about her. A particular anxiety was about Joey's husband, Nate. He would most definitely be aware of what Charlie had put his wife through and platonic or not, he was likely to be protective. And wouldn't it be weird to socialise with her again, especially in their current setup? Joey was a wife and mother now. Charlie saw every week just how much her ex-girlfriend had changed.

"Charlie it'll be fine," Ruby said from the passenger seat, breaking into her mother's thoughts.

"I'm not so sure," Charlie admitted.

"It might even be fun," Ruby encouraged.

"But it'll be weird..."

"She wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you to be part of her life again. So just relax and try and have fun, okay?"

Charlie sighed heavily, still very uncertain but nodded her agreement. She just hoped that she would make a good impression.

* * *

><p>"Jo, chill!" Nate begged, grabbing hold of his wife's arms and looking her directly in the eye.<p>

"What if people don't like the apartment?" Joey asked. "Every time I tidy it, Josh creates chaos again."

She looked at her son, sitting on the floor in the middle of a large pile of Lego.

"Nearly everyone you've invited has seen this place a hundred times," Nate pointed out. "So don't lie and say you're concerned about 'people'. You're concerned about Charlie."

Joey sighed heavily and glared at him, flopping onto the sofa in a rather dramatic fashion. Nate came to sit next to her.

"What do you want from her, Joey?" he asked gently.

"Nothing," Joey lied.

Nate raised his eyebrows. Joey folded her arms and frowned.

"I don't know what I want," she admitted. "She's turned my whole life upside down _again. _I was doing so well until she walked into group. I thought I was over her. But I'm... not. How can she still make me feel like this after everything she's done?"

"Well, far be it for me to advise my best friend to risk getting hurt again, but maybe the reason you can't let her go is that you're still in love with her," Nate suggested.

Joey looked horrified.

"I can't still be in love with her," she said. "I can't. That would be like rejecting every single thing I've learnt over the last two years."

"I'm not recommending that you make a play for her, Joey," Nate said. "But I think the key to finding some peace about this whole thing is to at least understand how you feel."

Joey nodded but didn't look any happier. Sinking onto the floor, she wrapped her arms gently around Joshua and kissed the top of his head.

"I love you," she said quietly.

He handed her piece of Lego in a bid to invite her to play.

* * *

><p>Several party guests had already arrived before Charlie, Ruby and Casey knocked on the door. After a few minutes, Joey opened up. The former lovers gazed at each other for several moments before they remembered that they were meant to say hello. In the background, Ruby exchanged an amused glance with Casey, who was still wondering why he had been invited to a party of some woman he didn't even know, especially as she was the ex girlfriend of his brother's ex girlfriend. It all felt very complicated.<p>

"Happy birthday, Joey," Ruby said sweetly when Charlie had finished hugging her.

"Thanks, Rubes," Joey said cheerfully.

"This is my boyfriend, Casey," Ruby introduced.

"Happy birthday," the teenage boy said politely, shaking her hand.

"Thanks," Joey said, stepping aside so that they could all get into the apartment.

Music was playing relatively quietly and was mostly being drowned out by the voices of lots of hyperactive children.

"Mum!" a little boy bellowed.

Joey turned to scoop her son into her arms, settling him on her hip and stepping back to Charlie, Ruby and Casey to make proper introductions.

"This is the little rascal that you sort of met the other week," she said. "Joshua, this is Charlie, Ruby and Casey."

Charlie was a little alarmed when the toddler lurched forward in her direction, arms open wide. Joey protected him from falling but laughed.

"I think he likes you," she smirked.

Charlie laughed and tentatively asked if she could hold him.

"Sure," Joey said, handing the tot into her ex-girlfriend's arms.

Standing back, she watched as Charlie and Ruby both fussed over him.

"He's a real attention seeker," Joey remarked to Casey.

"How could he help it really?" Casey replied. "I wouldn't mind lots of girls fussing over me!"

Joey snorted with laughter and gestured for everyone to follow her through to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe how long it's been seen we last saw you," Charlie said. "You just... left."<p>

Aden Jeffries nodded and apologised.

"Everything got a bit much," he admitted. "I'm sorry."

"How did you end up running into Joey again?" Charlie wondered.

She cast a glance at the birthday girl who was leading a conga line with several of the kids.

"Justin and I randomly ran into her and Nate in a bar last year," Aden explained. "And we've stayed in each other's lives ever since."

He smiled.

"I'm glad you two are talking again," he added. "Do you think maybe...?"

Charlie shook her head hurriedly and sighed, looking down at the floor.

"Not interested or...?"

"She'd never take me back," Charlie sighed. "I hurt her too badly."

Aden nodded and touched her hand.

"Well, friends are better than nothing, hey?"

"Yeah," Charlie agreed. "I'm honoured to be even that."

They fell silent, both watching Joey. Having abandoned the conga line, she was flat on her back and letting some of the smaller kids pretty much treat her like a trampoline.

"How's um...? How's Nicole?" Aden managed.

"She moved away," Charlie said a little awkwardly, although she had known that it would inevitably come up.

"How come?" he asked. "Nothing bad happened, did it?"

"Not exactly," Charlie said. "Well... sort of. She um... she dated a pretty nasty piece of work last year and got pregnant. She planned on giving the baby up for adoption but she realised quite soon after the birth that she wanted to be George's Mum so she took him back."

"But she's not with the evil bastard anymore?" Aden checked, clearly worried.

"No," Charlie assured him. "He died before Nicole even realised she was pregnant. He was murdered and quite frankly, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."

She pulled a face at the bitter memories of that particular investigation and wondered if Alf would ever truly forgive her for everything that had happened to him because of Penn.

"But she and Angelo got together..."

Aden spat his drink on the floor. Charlie laughed.

"It took us all by surprise," she conceded.

"When I left Summer Bay _you _were Angelo's girlfriend!" Aden exclaimed. "What's the story?"

Behind them, having extracted herself from the kids, Joey paused. She'd intended to come over and scold her friend for staining her carpet. Silently, she turned away. The last story she wanted to hear was about all the men Charlie had been with since her departure.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie and Joey get closer...<em>


	18. Chapter 18

_Sorry this chapter is late. I had a friend visiting this morning and this afternoon was spent trying to help some people through a crisis! But here is your update and I really, really hope you like this one. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Eighteen**

It was the evening and most of Joey's guests had gone home. Joshua was safely tucked up into bed, but only after Charlie had agreed to read him a story. Joey wasn't sure if she was thrilled or unnerved that her son had taken such a liking to her ex-girlfriend.

"Okay, we should probably leave you in peace," Charlie decided, albeit reluctantly.

She had no desire to leave Joey's company but she gathered it was the polite thing to do.

"Thank you for helping us clear up," Joey said.

Leah, Miles and VJ were long gone but Charlie, Ruby and Casey had been very helpful in cleaning and tidying with her and Nate.

"It was good to meet you all," Joey's husband said politely.

He shook hands with Casey and hugged the girls. Ruby then made a beeline for Joey, gathering her in her arms and hoping, rather loudly, that they would get to spend time together again soon.

"We'll wait in the car," she said meaningfully, taking Casey hand and dashing out of the apartment.

"That's my cue to finish the dishes," Nate decided, also disappearing.

Standing alone in the hallway, Charlie and Joey immediately felt awkward.

"Thanks for inviting us to the party," Charlie said. "I had a great time."

"Me too," Joey admitted.

"Happy birthday," Charlie said. "I um... well, I know I gave you a card already but I got you a gift too."

"A gift?" Joey said, sounding genuinely surprised.

Charlie nodded and dug around in her bag. She pulled out a small, wrapped parcel.

"Open it when I've gone," she requested.

Joey nodded, although she was desperately eager to find out what it was.

"Well, I'd better..."

Charlie jerked a thumb in the direction of the door. Joey nodded and followed her to the exit. On the doorstep, Charlie turned a little awkwardly. They hugged. Charlie turned to kiss Joey's cheek, just as Joey turned her head. Their lips met in surprise. Both blushing, they jerked back. Charlie quickly apologised. Joey shoved her hands in her pockets and looked awkward.

"I genuinely didn't mean for that to happen," Charlie assured her. "I hope you don't think I was taking advantage or..."

She was interrupted by Joey's lips pressed against hers. It didn't develop into anything sexual but it felt romantic, if chaste. Joey exhaled loudly as she reluctantly pulled away.

"Sorry," she said. "I just couldn't quite help myself."

"Well um... you know, if you ever want to kiss me again, that's totally cool."

Joey half smiled, gazing into Charlie's eyes.

"I'll bear that in mind," she said.

* * *

><p>Charlie was in a particularly dreamy mood when she finally arrived back at her car.<p>

"Um, what the hell was that?" Ruby immediately demanded.

"What?" Charlie asked, feigning innocence.

Ruby made a particularly loud kissing noise, making Charlie blush and laugh at the same time. A little shy, Casey stayed quiet in the backseat.

"I don't know," Charlie swooned. "She just... kissed me."

She couldn't stop smiling as she started the engine. While she dared not hope that it meant anything, she couldn't help but feel elated over the whole thing. The day had most definitely been a success.

* * *

><p>"Um, what the hell was that?" Nate demanded, following as Joey floated through the apartment.<p>

"What?" she asked, feigning innocence.

Nate laughed and shook his head.

"I can't believe you kissed her," he said. "After everything you've said..."

"I'm not about to marry her, Nate," Joey said seriously. "It was just a kiss."

"Well, you'd better not be about to marry her!" her husband remarked. "I don't want to get deported!"

Joey snorted with laughter and took both of his hands.

"I'm not about to sacrifice you for anyone," she said earnestly. "Not even Charlie Buckton."

Nate grinned and hugged her, before flopping back on the sofa. Joey took a seat beside him and crossed her legs beneath her, holding her birthday present in her lap. She opened the small parcel and couldn't help but grin when she saw that Charlie had bought her a 'ships in a bottle' set to build. Joey distinctly remembered telling Charlie all about the little model ships she and her father had put together when she was a child. She was touched that she remembered.

"So..." Nate prompted. "How was it?"

"Amazing!" Joey willingly admitted.

"And what does it mean?"

This time, Joey sighed.

"I don't know," she admitted. "We kissed by accident the first time and it just sent this rush through me so I had to do it again. Properly. But... regardless of how I feel about her, she's still the woman who broke my heart. And I really can't live through that again."

All the while, she couldn't stop admiring Charlie's gift.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie confides in Bianca about Joey and Joshua has abandonment issues...<em>


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Charlie and Joey hadn't been in touch since the party and although it had only been a few days, as she drove Bianca over to the group, Charlie felt anxious.

"Are you okay?" Bianca asked from the passenger seat.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Charlie said, plastering a smile on her face. "Just tired. It's been a long day."

"Well, thank you for coming with me again," Bianca said. "I feel like the group is really helping."

Charlie glanced at her and smiled.

"I'm glad," she said.

"How is it for you?" Bianca asked.

"It's weird," Charlie admitted. "The last thing I ever saw myself doing was going to group therapy, and especially not with Joey in charge. But I think it's helping. It's a nice group. And I like having a safe space to talk things through. I'm getting a lot out of it and I like to think I'm helping other people too."

"You're definitely helping me," Bianca said. "And I think you're having a genuine effect on Tash."

Charlie tried not to laugh.

"I think Joey is the only one who has an effect on her," she remarked.

Bianca eyed her quizzically.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You can't have missed the huge crush she has on her, can you?"

Bianca smirked.

"Yeah, I might have picked up a few signs," she admitted. "How do you feel about it?"

"I don't think she's a threat," Charlie chuckled. "But I think Joey feels protective of her."

"That's an interesting choice of words," Bianca mused.

Charlie glanced at her again.

"What do you mean?" she asked a little nervously.

"That you don't think she's a threat," Bianca said. "Does that mean you want to be with her again?"

"Of course I want to be with her again," Charlie said. "I don't think it's likely but honestly, I'm still as in love with her as I always was."

"Do you think you've got a chance?" Bianca asked, hoping that her friend would find love again.

"No," Charlie said with a little sigh. "I mean, she kissed me on Saturday but I don't think..."

"Uh... woah, there!" Bianca squeaked. "She did _what _on Saturday? And why are you waiting until now to tell me this?"

Charlie chuckled.

"It was a one off, I think," she said. "And pretty random. I doubt it means anything."

"Was it good?"

"She's still the best kisser in the universe," Charlie declared.

"Well, you haven't tried me yet," Bianca smirked.

Charlie snorted with laughter.

"Yet?" she teased.

* * *

><p>"Okay, baby, I'm really sorry but I have to go," Joey said awkwardly.<p>

Joshua continued to wail and cling onto her legs. She felt like her heart was breaking at abandoning him but she had a commitment to the people in her group. Crouching down so that she could be at eye level with her son, she held onto both of his tiny hands.

"I promise I will be home in a few hours," she said. "And I will come and tuck you in and kiss you goodnight. And if you have bad dreams, I'll be there. But for now, you need to play with Daddy. He'll look after you while I'm gone."

Joshua continued to look crestfallen.

"I love you," Joey said.

He frowned as she moved closer to kiss him on the forehead.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise. Be good, okay?"

Nate stepped forward and gathered Joshua into his arms.

"We'll be good, won't we?" he said brightly.

Joey stood up and kissed Joshua goodbye.

"Love you," she said before turning and heading towards the door.

Nate and Joshua followed, waving.

"You!" Joshua called out.

Joey paused and turned back, eyeing her son curiously. He wasn't a boy of many words, although the Doctor had said that it could be any day now that he started talking more.

"Love you," Joey repeated, glancing between Nate and Joshua.

"Lo you," Joshua replied.

Delighted, Joey ran back towards him and cuddled him to within an inch of his life. Nate chuckled as Joey rained kissed on Joshua, who also laughed.

"Okay, I really, really have to go now," Joey said urgently.

She kissed Joshua one more time before dashing off down the road, elated but very aware that she was running late.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie bites the bullet and asks Joey out on a date...<em>


	20. Chapter 20

_A short but hopefully sweet chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty**

It had been a good session and Joey was pleased with the way the group were gelling together. Even Mike was starting to feel more comfortable and share parts of his story. And she was surprised by how much the usually closed off Charlie was starting to open up to people. It was weird to see her in light of the tragedy she had been through. And although Joey was still hurt and didn't think anything excused the way she had behaved in their previous relationship, she was at least starting to understand where she was coming from.

"I brought you a cup of tea," Charlie said anxiously.

Joey turned around from where she had been putting her things back in her bag. She smiled and accepted the drink, thanking her.

"I thought the group went really well today," the police officer ventured.

"Yeah," Joey agreed. "I like that everyone is really starting to trust each other."

They both smiled shyly. Joey glanced at her watch.

"Are you in a hurry?" Charlie asked.

"Not exactly," Joey said. "I just... Josh was struggling when I left and I want to make sure he's okay. Nate's there, of course, but he's having abandonment issues at the moment."

"Josh or Nate?" Charlie cracked.

Joey laughed.

"Josh," she assured her. "He keeps having bad dreams and stuff. But he did tell me he loved me for the first time as I was leaving."

Charlie grinned.

"That's awesome," she said.

Joey nodded, still very pleased. She sipped her drink.

"I could drop you back home if you want to get there quicker," Charlie offered.

"Oh, I don't want to put you out," Joey said.

"You wouldn't be," Charlie assured her. "Hey, come on, you're helping us all put our lives back together, the least I can do is give you a lift."

She grinned. Joey smiled back.

"Thanks," she said. "I appreciate it."

* * *

><p>"You are so smitten!" Bianca cooed when Joey was safely deposited in her flat.<p>

"I am not!" Charlie lied, pulling back out onto the main road and turning in the direction of home.

Bianca giggled and continued to tease her.

"How can I not be in love with her?" Charlie asked seriously. "She's amazing."

Bianca chuckled.

"If it helps, it's blindingly obviously that she feels the same about you," she said.

Charlie sighed, becoming more serious.

"I doubt it," she said.

"You have noticed the way she looks at you, haven't you?"

Charlie shrugged.

"She adores you," Bianca said certainly. "And she did kiss you last week."

Charlie chewed her lip.

"Do you really think she still likes me?" she asked seriously.

"I do," Bianca said.

"What do you think I should do about it? I mean, I'd love to be with her again or take her out on a date or even... just be friends with her or something. But I'm scared that she'll run away. I don't want to blow this and get it wrong."

She sighed anxiously.

"You lost her before because you couldn't take the risk," Bianca said. "You couldn't come out and face the world. You couldn't cope with everything the relationship entailed. So, maybe now it's time to take the risk you couldn't take before."

Charlie nodded thoughtfully as they drove towards Summer Bay.

* * *

><p>Joey had just about settled Joshua back to sleep. He'd had another bad dream and had been inconsolable for a time.<p>

"Here," Nate said, handing his wife a glass of wine. "So, how's Charlie? I mean, how was the group tonight?"

Joey laughed and shook her head, settling back on the sofa.

"It was good," she said. "And Charlie was her usual, beautiful self. She drove me home, actually."

Nate raised his eyebrows suggestively. Joey laughed again and shook her head.

"It's not like that," she said. "We're just... friends."

Her phone beeped. She opened the text message and read it several times over.

"What is it?" Nate asked, sounding concerned.

Joey handed over the phone.

_Hi, Joey. It's totally fine if you don't want to but I wondered if you'd like to do something at the weekend? Like a date. Unless you don't want it to be a date. Would you consider a date? Love, Charlie. P.S. How many times can I awkwardly say 'date' in one message?_

"What do you think I should do?" Joey wondered.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey makes a decision about Charlie's request...<em>


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

"Well, do you want to go?" Nate asked.

"I don't know," Joey said.

The idea of spending time with Charlie again was very appealing. However, the fact that she was feeling familiar flutterings of the love she'd once felt of her, freaked her out.

"Would spending time with her be pleasurable?" Nate coaxed.

Joey couldn't help but grin.

"I'll take that as a yes," her husband said.

Joey looked immediately panicked.

"But it shouldn't be pleasurable," she protested. "This is a woman who cheated on me. She screwed a guy behind my back and then lied to my face. And that was on top of what I'd already been through – you know, the whole rape and attempted murder thing."

She shuddered at the memory.

"I was messed up enough as it was and she toyed with my feelings," she continued. "She exploited them and she made an already difficult situation even worse. And then when I finally thought we were getting somewhere, she betrayed me. And she didn't fight for me to stay either."

"You didn't want her to fight for you, did you?" Nate asked curiously.

"I don't know," Joey admitted. "I mean, granted, I did say I'd be home again in three months. And did she even notice? No. She was too busy screwing the local murderer to notice that I'd stayed away."

She pulled a face as bitterness took over.

"Okay, maybe spending time with her wouldn't be as pleasurable as you thought," Nate remarked.

Joey sighed loudly and leant back in her seat.

"That's the thing though," she said. "Even after all of that, the idea of seeing her this weekend is still heavenly. I still..."

She sighed again, the words getting stuck in her throat.

"You still love her," Nate clarified.

She turned to gaze at him, wondering, not for the first time, why they both had to be gay. If Nate was her husband in the traditional sense then perhaps Charlie wouldn't even be an issue.

"I'm officially the most pathetic woman on the planet," Joey said unhappily.

"No, you're not," Nate assured her. "You can't help how you feel, Joey. Maybe saying yes to this date would be a good idea. At least then, you can figure out what you want."  
>"A date is way too scary," Joey said.<p>

"Okay, well, if you see her on Saturday then you'll have to have the little monster with you. That would change the dynamics, wouldn't it? It wouldn't really be a date if you brought the baby."

"What are you doing on Saturday?" Joey asked curiously, aware that he wasn't working.

"I have a date," Nate said proudly.

"Shoe shop guy?" Joey asked, aware that they had spent a bit of time together recently.

"Yep," he said.

The couple high-fived.

"So, what are you going to do about Charlie?" Nate nudged.

* * *

><p>Charlie leapt on her phone the moment it beeped. Her heart pounded as she saw that Joey had replied to her message. In the living room, Leah and Ruby exchanged curiously glances.<p>

"I'm betting Joey," Leah said.

"Maybe Brax?" Ruby teased.

Charlie glared at her.

"Joey," the teenager concluded.

Charlie smiled, reading the text to herself: _Hi Charlie. I'd love to see you this weekend. How about Saturday? I'm not sure I'm comfortable calling it a date and I'll have Joshua with me because Nate's out with his latest man candy. But yes, I'd like to see you. J xxx_

"So...?" Leah prompted when Charlie continued to look rather swoony.

"We're spending time together on Saturday," the police officer said. "Me, Joey and Joshua."

"That kid was so cute," Leah said.

"Yep," Charlie replied.

"I bet she thinks Joey's cuter," Ruby teased.

Charlie offered a mock glare before turning her attention back to her phone. She tried not to be disappointed that it wasn't a date but she was encouraged that Joey had accepted the invitation at all. That had to be progress, right? And the fact that Joey seemed happy to allow Charlie to spend time with her son was also a good thing, as far as she could tell.

"In all seriousness," Ruby said. "Do you think you and Joey might get back together?"

"I want to have any part in her life that I'm allowed to," Charlie said honestly.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Joshua embarrasses Joey on their day with Charlie…<em>


	22. Chapter 22

_I might not update until late or not at all tomorrow but I will definitely be back on Monday. I hope you enjoy the chapter. There are only five left of this one. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Charlie was nervous on Saturday afternoon as she drove to Joey's apartment. Joey had invited her round for lunch and Charlie just hoped it would go well. She'd already met Joshua and he seemed to like her, which was encouraging. But she was absolutely desperate to make a good impression and perhaps rectify Joey's image of who she was. She hoped that today could be the start of correcting all of her mistakes.

* * *

><p>"We've got a play date with a hot cop today," Joey said conversationally as Joshua followed her around the kitchen.<p>

"Hot cop?" Joshua repeated.

Joey blanched, cursing herself for not taking into account that her son was at a stage where he was trying to copy everything she said and everything she did. Putting the cloth she had been using to wipe the counter down, she scooped Joshua into her arms, spinning him around and making him laugh.

"Now, you don't need to say hot cop again, do you?" she asked.

"Hot cop," he repeated.

Shaking her head, Joey hugged him and just hoped that he wouldn't do it when Charlie was around. That would be highly embarrassing, although in fairness, the likelihood was that Charlie already knew Joey found her attractive. They had been lovers, after all.

"Are you going to be a good boy today?" she asked, putting him back down.

He nodded eagerly and continued to follow her around as she made the flat perfect.

* * *

><p>Charlie took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Her heart was pounding as she heard footsteps approach. Joey pulled open the door and the two women stared at each other for a few moments. Charlie shyly offered the bouquet of flowers she'd bought on the way.<p>

"They're not roses so it doesn't count as a date," she said quickly, hoping that she hadn't overstepped the mark already.

To her relief, Joey smiled and happily accepted them, welcome Charlie inside.

"Thank you," she said politely, leading the way down the hall. "They're beautiful."

Charlie followed Joey into the kitchen and watched her put them in water. So far, so good.

"Where's Joshua?" she asked.

"He's watching cartoons," Joey said, leading the way back down to hall and into the lounge. "He decided that he had to help me with everything I did this morning so he's exhausted himself."

Charlie chuckled as she and Joey sat down on the sofa together. Joshua was indeed on the floor in front of the TV, completely absorbed.

"Josh, come and say hello to Charlie," Joey instructed.

He ignored her.

"Joshua..." Joey said, a hint of warning in her voice.

The toddler promptly turned round and waved, offering his most innocent smile.

"Hot cop?" he asked.

Joey coloured. Charlie tried not to laugh.

"Revenge for tearing him away from cartoons," Joey muttered.

Charlie continued to smile, hardly daring to believe that perhaps Joey had something similar to him about her at some point.

"Where did he get that from?" she asked.

Joey met her gaze.

"I _might _have made reference to a visit from a hot cop this afternoon," she smirked.

"Are you expecting someone else then?" Charlie teased.

Joey chuckled.

"Modest as well," she said.

They gazed at each other for several moments, as if trying to suss each other out.

"So, do you have any particular thoughts on lunch?" Joey asked.

"I hadn't really thought that far ahead," Charlie admitted. "Mostly, I was just excited to be seeing you."

"Well, I did think that far ahead," Joey said. "And I packed us up a picnic if you fancy a trek out to the park."

"That sounds perfect," Charlie agreed.

* * *

><p>An hour later, on a blanket in the park, Charlie, Joey and Joshua were enjoying food and sunshine.<p>

"You really went all out," Charlie remarked. "This is lovely."

"Well, you know I've always been of the philosophy that if you're going to do something then you really ought to do it properly," Joey explained.

Charlie giggled.

"It's a good philosophy," she agreed.

Joshua yawned and snuggled down into his mother's lap. She stroked his hair affectionately.

"You must be so proud of him," Charlie mused, gazing fondly at the little boy between them.

"I am," Joey said. "He's the best thing about me."

Charlie smiled.

"Knowing how many wonderful things there are about you, Joey, that'll be a big compliment to him," she said sincerely.

Joey licked her lips and looked down.

"He has your eyes," Charlie said.

Joey laughed.

"My eyes are brown!" she said. "He has blue eyes. Like..."

She looked down and swallowed.

"I know they're a different colour," Charlie said. "I didn't mean that."

"What did you mean?" Joey asked, genuinely wanting to know.

"He has the same expression in his eyes that you usually do," Charlie explained. "So sweet and earnest. Always looking for the next beautiful thing to enjoy. Happy."

Joey smiled shyly and looked down at her son. His eyes were barely open but she liked to think that Charlie was telling the truth.

"Thank you," she said.

Charlie shrugged bashfully.

"I like to call it as I see it," she said.

"Thank you for seeing it," Joey said. "It means a lot. His eyes are the same colour as Robbo's and for the first few months of his life, it really frightened me. So for you to see me in him and not... _him_, that means the world."

Charlie smiled. She could relate only too well.

"It's a scary experience," she said. "But it's abundantly clear that you're a wonderful mother. He worships the ground you walk on."

Joey stroked Joshua's hair again as he snuggled up to her.

"You're very brave," Charlie said. "Braver than I was."

"I was also about a decade older than you were," Joey pointed out. "Cut yourself some slack."

Charlie sighed and lay flat on the blanket, gazing up at the clouds.

"There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently," she said. "Including being Ruby's mother instead of her sister. I feel sad about the way I let her down."

"You did everything you could for her," Joey insisted. "I'm sure she knows that."

"I hope so," Charlie said.

She turned her head in order to face Joey and smiled.

"Anyway," she said. "Enough of the emotional stuff. Did I see cake in that hamper?"

Joshua jerked away in excitement.

"Cake!" he said.

Joey laughed and hugged him.

"You just said the magic word," she told Charlie.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Charlie bonds with Joshua and Joey has an interesting suggestion…<em>


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

"Well, I guess I'd better leave you to get on with your evening," Charlie said reluctantly.

After the picnic, they had come back to Joey's apartment. Now, night was falling and Joey was preparing to get Joshua into bed.

"You don't have to," Joey said sincerely.

"I don't want to out stay my welcome," Charlie said.

"You wouldn't be," Joey said. "Just let me get the little monster to bed and then we can hang out some more. Unless you don't want to. It's fine either way."

She flashed a smile, hoping she didn't sound too eager. Charlie smiled.

"I'd love to," she said.

Appearing from his bedroom, dressed in his pyjamas and little Tigger slippers, Joshua climbed up into Charlie's lap. He was clutching his security blanket and a book. Charlie looked surprised. Joey laughed.

"Someone is big fan of yours," she remarked.

"Does he want me to...?"

Joey nodded. Charlie took a breath and settled Joshua into her arms. With Joey still beside her, she began to read the story.

* * *

><p>"That's amazing," Joey said. "You might have to come round for the bedtime routine every night."<p>

Charlie chuckled and looked a little bemused. She looked down at the fair haired toddler curled up, fast asleep on her lap.

"He does everything he can to stay awake for as long as possible," Joey explained. "He gets bad dreams sometimes and so he tries to escape them by not sleeping. I spoke to the Doctor about it but he thinks it's something he'll grow out of."

Charlie nodded.

"Hopefully," she said.

"So you're pretty much a miracle worker, getting him to sleep by seven," Joey told her.

"Either that or my reading skill was really boring," Charlie remarked.

Joey chuckled softly, gazing first at Charlie and then at Josh.

"Do you think you can carry him to his room?" Joey asked.

Charlie nodded, standing up as gently as she could. Joey was pleased with her for getting him to sleep so she didn't want to ruin it by waking him up now. Carefully, they made their way into Joshua's room and tucked him into bed. Joey bent and kissed his forehead before she and Charlie stole back out of the room.

* * *

><p>Back in the lounge, Charlie and Joey sat side by side. Without the distraction of Joshua, they felt rather awkward and shy.<p>

"Can I interest you in a glass of wine?" Joey suggested.

"I'm driving," Charlie reminded her.

Joey pursed her lips thoughtfully.

"You could always stay," she said.

The words were out of her mouth before she could rein herself in. Charlie looked more than a little startled.

"Do you have a spare room or...?" she managed.

Joey leant forward quickly and kissed her. As their chests melted together, they could feel the rhythm of both their hearts. Charlie closed her eyes, relishing the feel of Joey's lips against hers. Holding her close, she never wanted to let her go. Eventually, when oxygen became an issue, they parted slowly, gazing into each other's eyes.

"I thought this wasn't a date," Charlie remarked, smiling self consciously.

Joey giggled and sat back against the couch, resting her chin on her knees. Charlie leant back also, studying Joey's face. Shifting positions again, Joey reached out and held Charlie's hand.

"What do you think of spending just one night together?" she asked.

Charlie looked surprised. From what she knew, that wasn't Joey's style.

"A one night stand?" Charlie asked.

Joey nodded eagerly.

"One night, lots of fun, no strings, no feelings."

Her heart continued to race as she put forward her plan to get Charlie out of her system.

"I'm not sure I could promise no feelings," Charlie pointed out.

Joey chewed her lip and nodded. She wasn't sure she could handle it either. But she knew she couldn't keep things going the way they were. She'd spent two years trying to get over Charlie and now she was back in her life, she felt in constant turmoil.

"Is that a no?" she asked.

Charlie managed a grin.

"Not exactly," she said. "I mean, I've been dreaming of being with you again since the moment I lost you. Turning you down, even on the basis of a one night thing, feels impossible."

"So... do you want to?" Joey asked hopefully.

Charlie smiled, nodding quietly. Their lips met again in a hurry. Gone was their tender, shy intimacy. Passion took over as Joey straddled Charlie's lap and ran her hands through her hair.

"I love you," Charlie murmured against Joey's mouth.

Joey pulled up sharply, as if woken from a dream. Still on Charlie's lap, she stared at her.

"Sorry," Charlie said. "I messed that up pretty quickly, didn't I? Can we just forget I said that and carry on?"

Joey sighed and rested her hands on Charlie's shoulders.

"This isn't going to work, is it?" she realised.

Charlie also sighed and apologised.

"I just don't know what we're supposed to mean to each other," Joey admitted. "Half of me wants to run away and half of me wants to cling on. I just... don't know."

"Well, how do you feel about me?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know," Joey replied.

"Do you like me?"

Joey nodded.

"Do you love me?"

Joey shrugged and nodded at the same time.

"Are you attracted to me?"

"Well, obviously!" Joey smirked, gesturing to the position they were in.

Charlie chuckled but then looked serious.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me for how I treated you?"

Joey looked uncertain. Charlie's heart sank.

"I forgive you," the younger woman said honestly. "And I even understand a lot of what was going on for you at the time. But..."

"You don't trust me not to hurt you again," Charlie realised.

"I'm sorry," Joey replied.

She moved to sit beside her again, resuming her curled up position and looking unhappy.

"You don't have to apologise," Charlie ventured. "I hurt you. It's your right not to trust me. But if it helps, I've changed. I've spent two years making mistake after mistake in a bid to pretend that I don't miss you. But I have missed you, Joey. And there's nothing I regret more than messing up the best relationship I've ever had."

"I've missed you too," Joey said. "I've done all this healing and I've worked really hard to move on and rebuild my life. But the moment you walked into the group, you turned my whole world upside down again. You're still all I think about. You're still the person who makes my heart race. You're still the person I wish I could have stayed with."

Charlie reached out and took her hand.

"Whatever you decide," she said. "I'll be right here. I'll be happy to be any part of your life that I can be. If it's a friend or... more, well, I'm just glad to know you again."

Joey smiled and reached out tenderly to stroke Charlie's face. They were interrupted by wailing from the bedroom. Charlie followed Joey as she raced in to check on her son.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Charlie helps Joshua battle nightmares and then spends the night in bed with Joey…<em>


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"Oh dear," Joey said, scooping her child into her arms.

His pyjamas and sheets were wet and he couldn't stop crying.

"Did you have another bad dream?" Joey asked.

He nodded unhappily, trying to control his breathing. Joey cuddled him close while Charlie hovered a little anxiously in the background.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

Joey nodded and set Joshua down on the floor where she stripped off his clothes in order to put fresh ones on.

"Could you sit with him while I sort all of this out?" she asked.

"Sure," Charlie said.

She stepped forward and sat on the floor. Joey handed her the clothes she needed him to wear and then gathered up the sheets and headed out of the room. Charlie helped the tearful little boy get changed and allowed him to cuddle up to her. She ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head.

"Did your dream frighten you?" she asked gently.

He nodded, his lower lip still trembling. More tears could be expected to fall.

"Well, you know that dreams can't hurt you, don't you?"

He looked a little uncertain.

"Because as soon as you wake up, they're gone," Charlie said. "It's like magic. And do you know how to make the dream go completely away when you've woken up?"

Joshua looked wide eyed, hanging on her every word in hope.

"You sit down and you tell someone all about it," Charlie explained. "Once you've done that, the dream won't scare you anymore."

"There was a monster," Joshua said, eager to test out her theory.

"A monster?" Charlie said. "And what did he look like?"

"Big," Joshua managed with his limited vocabulary. "Red nose."

"And did he pull disgusting faces?" Charlie asked, pulling a face of her own that made him crease up with laughter.

He nodded and smiled.

"Well, he looks silly rather than scary then, doesn't he?"

Joshua nodded again.

"So, when your Mummy comes back, she can tuck you right back into bed and you'll be able to sleep again," Charlie told him. "And if the monster comes back, you can just point and laugh at him."

She glanced up and blanched when she realised that Joey was standing in the doorway, listening to them. She smiled affectionately at them both and then moved further into the room, dealing with her son's sheets. Charlie and Joshua both watched her until she came to sit on the floor with them. She opened her arms and the toddler bundled himself into them.

"Has Charlie made you feel better?" she asked.

He nodded definitely.

"So do you think you'll be ready to try sleeping again?"

He nodded again. Both women stood up, Joey with Joshua in his arms. They both hugged him and kissed him goodnight before Joey tucked him into bed. He was asleep before his head touched the pillow. Turning the light off but leaving the door safely open, they headed back out of the room.

"You're amazing, do you know that?" Joey asked when they were back in the lounge.

Charlie looked bashful and uncertain.

"He's never gone back that easily before," Joey explained.

Charlie shrugged.

"It's just what my Mum did for me when I was little," she said. "In fact, when I was a teenager, after... you know. She did it then too."

Joey smiled.

"You did it with me when I lived with you," she remembered.

Charlie smiled. She hadn't wanted to mention it in case it was something Joey didn't remember. But she was touched that she did and told her so.

"Are you kidding?" Joey said, smiling shyly. "Of course I remember. I remember everything we did together. In a weird way, for a few weeks at least, that was the happiest time in my life."

"Mine too," Charlie admitted.

They gazed longingly at each other. Neither could help that it was a particularly charged moment.

"Hey, what do you think of that wine?" Joey said. "This is a sofa bed. You could stay. And I won't pounce on you."

"Damn," Charlie giggled.

She agreed joyfully. Relaxing with Joey and a glass of wine sounded perfect.

* * *

><p>It was late when Charlie and Joey finally admitted that they needed to sleep. Joey made up the bed in the lounge and provided Charlie with a pair of pyjamas. Getting changed in her own room, Joey flopped back on the bed. She sighed and gazed up at the ceiling. Without pausing to assess whether she was making a good choice or a bad one, she headed back into the lounge where Charlie was lying in the dark.<p>

"Charlie?" she said meekly.

"Yes?"

"Are you awake?"

"No, I'm talking in my sleep," Charlie giggled.

"Smart arse!" Joey complained, stepping a little further into the room.

"What's up, Jo?" Charlie asked.

"Can I come in with you?"

"In here?"

"I'm not going to pounce on you," she promised. "I just want a cuddle."

Charlie lifted the covers and immediately welcomed Joey into her arms.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Nate is eager for gossip after Charlie and Joey's date…<em>


	25. Chapter 25

_Here is an extra update for you. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Joey wandered into the kitchen the following morning, leaving Charlie still sleeping in the lounge. Nate wolf whistled the moment he spotted her from where he was nursing a coffee at the table. Joshua was happily making a mess of his own breakfast, like he did every morning.

"Question," he said curiously. "Why did you shag her in the lounge instead of your bed?"

"I didn't do anything!" Joey hissed. "And sshh! Don't speak like that in front of him."

"Like he's going to know what it means."

"Whether he knows or not, _you _know that he's at the repeating stage."

"Hot cop!" Joshua said mildly.

"See?" Joey squeaked.

She came to sit between her boys, ruffling Joshua's blonde hair and kissing him good morning.

"So... explain," Nate nudged.

"We had some wine so she stayed the night," Joey told him.

"And you ended up on the sofa bed too because..."

"I wanted a cuddle," Joey mumbled.

"Oh, is that what they're calling it now?" Nate teased.

Joey kicked him under the table. He yelped in pain.

"Ow!" he complained. "What was that for?"

"For being a smart arse," Joey snapped.

"I'm your husband," Nate said. "I'm meant to tease you about your girlfriends..."

They looked at each other.

"Okay, that's a weird sentence," Nate conceded. "But you know what I mean."

Joey sighed heavily, chewing her lip.

"If it helps, I'm happy for you," Nate told her. "Does this mean you're getting back together?"

"I don't know," Joey admitted. "I mean, I..."

"Love her," Nate interjected.

"Yes," Joey said, giving in far more easily than either of them expected. "And she's so good with Josh. It was a great day yesterday. I felt like we were... a family."

"You're not going to fire me as the little monster's Dad, are you?"

"It's not possible," Joey assured her. "You're his Dad and you always will be. No matter who I end up with and who you end up with."

Nate smiled.

"I guess this isn't really something I've encountered before," he said. "I've known you for two years now and you've never gone near anybody."

Joey opened her mouth to object.

"I'm not criticising," Nate said quickly. "I'm just pointing out that regardless of how things ended up last time, Charlie must be pretty special for you to even consider letting her in."

"It's almost like I don't have a choice," Joey replied. "I just... love her. I always have and I think I always will. But... but how can I take that risk again? She already broke my heart once and I don't think I'd recover if it happened again."

"Yes, you will," Nate assured her.

"After everything that happened a couple of years ago, I nearly threw myself off a bridge," Joey pointed out anxiously.

"Things are different now," Nate said. "You're a stronger person. You've already been to hell and you're not going back there. Plus, you have him and you have me. You'd never abandon him, would you?"

"Not for anything," Joey agreed.

"So maybe it's time to take a risk," Nate suggested. "You might even end up happy."

Joey laughed softly.

"We tried to... you know," she admitted.

Nate's eyes widened.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yep," she replied. "The idea was that we'd have a one night thing, try and get each other out of our systems but it didn't work."

"So, did you or didn't you...?" Nate asked. "And please remember that a gay man has no interest in intimate details of the ladies."

Joey snorted with laughter. Joshua laughed too, although he had no concept of what they were discussing.

"We kissed a bit," Joey revealed. "But nothing more. We knew it could never be a fling between us. It either has to be real or nothing at all."

"And what do you want it to be?"

"Real," Joey confessed.

* * *

><p>In the living room, Charlie lay on the sofa bed, warm under the blankets. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop on what Joey and Nate believed to be a private conversation. But she couldn't help it. Hearing that Joey still loved her, even after everything they had been through together, was the best thing she could ever have heard.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Next time… the group discuss justice while Charlie and Joey try to figure out what they mean to each other…<em>


	26. Chapter 26

_This is the penultimate chapter so I hope you enjoy it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Bianca was particularly emotional when she and Charlie sat in the group the following week.

"Bianca, I gather you have some news," Joey said when everyone was settled.

Bianca nodded.

"I found out who attacked me," the blonde revealed. "I kept having these dreams where I was remembering parts of what happened. I saw a tattoo distinctly and then I saw the same guy with his shirt off on the beach. I told Charlie and she arrested him. They have the DNA proof and he was denied bail. It looks like I might actually get justice for what happened to me."

"That's amazing news," Joey enthused. "Well done."

"As long as I can bring myself to get through the trial," Bianca said.

She was trembling and had been from the moment she'd discovered the identity of the man who had raped her.

"You're so brave," Nikki said. "I... I don't think, even if I'd found out who assaulted me, I could have pressed charges. I would have been too scared."

"It's a frightening thing to do," Joey agreed. "And you _are_ brave for doing it, Bianca. Well done."

"I couldn't have done it without Charlie," Bianca said sincerely. "And I know I have a long way to go but I feel like this could be the start of changing things. I think perhaps I could start to heal from here."

Tash reached out and squeezed her hand.

"Well done," she said softly.

"I never got justice," Mike blurted out.

Everyone was surprised. He never volunteered information. Joey usually had to coax words out him.

"Did you know who your attacker was?" Joey asked softly.

He nodded and rubbed his face. He was a nice man in his late twenties but everyone was aware that he was probably the shadow of the person he might otherwise have been.

"I knew the guy's full name and address," he said. "But I could never... I only admitted what happened to me when I tried to commit suicide. I didn't tell the police though, just my friend. And she sent me here. I think she's hoping that I might seek justice but it's too late now, isn't it?"

"It's not too late," Charlie said, in immediate cop mode. "You could still press charges."

He shook his head again.

"I can't," he said. "I'm not brave like all of you."

"Mike, just being here is brave," Joey said.

"I tried to kill myself," he pointed out.

"Happens to the best of us," Joey replied.

Several group members, especially Tash looked startled.

"Did you...?"

Joey nodded. It felt too personal to share but she now felt obliged. She also hoped it would help Mike open up. She had been trying to encourage him to feel comfortable for a while now.

"That's how I ended up here," she explained. "I'd been raped, lost my girlfriend..."

Charlie looked down unhappily.

"Lost my job," Joey continued, hoping Charlie didn't feel too bad. "And I was pregnant. I was completely lost and I couldn't cope. I got down into that terrifying, dark place and I escaped the other side. All of us have been there, to one degree or the other and we're all here. We're all survivors. Hence the name of the group."

She smiled. Even Mike managed to smile back.

"And Mike, there's no pressure here but if you do ever want to pursue something then I know a wonderful police officer who'll do whatever it takes to help you," Joey said.

She smiled openly at Charlie who smiled back. Bianca tried not to smirk. She wondered if they thought their robust attraction had gone unnoticed. It hadn't. It was coming off them in waves.

"Thank you," Mike said, glancing between Charlie and Joey. "I'll think about it."

* * *

><p>"What is going on between you and Joey?" Bianca asked the moment they'd dropped their group leader off at home.<p>

Charlie didn't reply but couldn't help smiling.

"Are you back together?" Bianca asked excitedly.

"We're... seeing how it goes," Charlie told her. "We're not a couple or anything but we're spending more time together and it's going well."

"I'm happy for you, Charlie," Bianca said earnestly. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that before."

"It's been a while," Charlie admitted. "And I'm grateful to be given a second chance. I'm not going to mess it up again."

* * *

><p>"You are such a sap!" Nate chuckled when Joey walked back through the front door.<p>

She flopped onto the sofa and poked her tongue out.

"I'm not," she lied.

Nate shook his head and hugged her.

"I can't even tell you how happy it makes me to see you like this, Jo," he said. "Who knew that the person who broke your heart could be the person to heal it?"

Joey smiled and nodded.

"I really think she is," she said.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Bianca gets justice and Charlie and Joey make a decision about their future…<em>


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

It had been three months and Charlie was happier than she had been in her whole life. She and Joey had been tentatively dating for a while but they looked to be growing more serious. There was nothing they didn't feel able to talk about and Charlie loved being a third parent to Joshua. She could hardly believe how lucky she was to have this chance with Joey and only wished that she hadn't messed it up the first time. But still, if things had worked out then Joey might never have become who she was today and that was a particularly remarkable woman. She had finished studying and received all her qualifications. She and Nate still lived together but both had their partners stay round at the house on a regular basis. Charlie had left the group that Joey ran, on the basis that there was a conflict of interest. And she was feeling whole again after so many years of pain.

Bianca had pressed charges against Dean, the man who had raped her and he was now facing seven years in jail. The police, led by Charlie, were also looking into a number of other allegations from girls in his chequered past. Jaq had started to be able to communicate better with her husband and Mike had begun to open up more and more about his experiences during the group sessions. Nikki had followed Bianca's example and started to try and remember her rape more clearly, in the hope that she would be able to identify her attacker, although she wasn't sure how possible it was. Tash had been rather devastated to learn that Joey and Charlie were an item and had made her feelings for Joey very clear. Joey had politely and professionally laid out the ground rules and so far, things seemed to be normal again.

* * *

><p>"What do you think?" Charlie asked nervously.<p>

Joey chewed her lip, more than a little uncertain.

"Are you sure it's what you want?" she asked. "Don't you think it will be a bit complicated?"

Charlie had found a large building in Summer Bay for rent. It was big enough to house them, Ruby, Joshua, Nate and his boyfriend. Charlie's proposal had been that they all move in together as some kind of rainbow family.

"It doesn't have to be," Charlie said. "I mean, it's not like you and Nate are married in the traditional sense. We're not designing some kind of odd foursome."

"True," Joey conceded. "And you and Nate do get on like a house on fire. Plus we'd be able to be there for both our children instead of one and then the other."

Charlie smiled and squeezed her girlfriend's hand.

"I only want you to say yes if that's what you really want though," she said. "I want you to be happy."

"I am," Joey realised.

She looked so startled that it made Charlie laugh and feel a little nervous. Joey leant in and kissed her.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life," she said.

Charlie's nerves calmed down and her smile got wider.

"My life has changed so much over the last few years," Joey ventured. "I loved and lost the love of my life, I got pregnant by the man who raped me, I became a counsellor... It's all been crazy. But even the painful parts, I feel like they've got me to where I'm supposed to be. A few years ago, the only thing I ever felt clear about was that I wanted to work on a trawler. Now I'm a mother, a wife, a girlfriend... I'm using my experiences to help other people."

She smiled, looking a little dazed as she gazed into Charlie's eyes.

"I love you so much, Charlie," she said.

Charlie breathed a sigh of relief but then paused.

"There isn't going to be a but or something is there?" she asked worriedly.

Joey chuckled and leant in to kiss her, holding both her hands.

"No but," she promised. "Just happy and in love. And yes, I would love for us to all move in together and be a weird and wonderful family."

Charlie looked and felt ecstatic. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and kissed her with renewed passion. It had been a long road but this was how everything was meant to be.

* * *

><p><em>I hope you've enjoyed this story. Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading it and of course, especially to those who have reviewed. I hope it ended to your liking! Love, IJKS xxx<em>


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